Time for a second opinion

I went to another RE yesterday for a second opinion because being dismissed the way I was by the 1st one just didn't sit right. Boy am I glad I didn't just sit down & shut up! Here's the lowdown on what happened:

In looking @ my bloodwork my CD3 estradiol was on the high side of normal. Also, although my fasting glucose was fine, my insulin production was also on the high side of normal. She asked if I had had my thyroid checked & I told her no, so she's checking that, especially after I told her that my father's mother has had a thyroid issue for most of her life.

They took 8 vials of blood from me & 2 from Vid. He was very nervous as usual but did fine, unlike the guy before him who passed out cold. I have a date with the "dildo cam" (transvaginal ultrasound) next CD 3. I told her we are going to Vegas & may be there for CD3; she said she might be able to arrange to have it done out there. This will make for a very memorable vacation!

Her theory is although it looks like I ovulate according to my charts & OPKs I may be surging in several waves throughout my cycles & not be experienceing "quality ovulation" which would explain why our perfect timing every cycle has always resulted in BFNs. I don't have the classic PCOS signs (body hair, acne, etc.) I am obese & my borderline insulin levels make her want to explore this possibility more, hence the dildo cam & more bloodwork.

In the meantime I've been put on Metformin which will help regulate my insuling levels & in turn may help me with the weight loss. She does not think the medical liquid diet would give me good long term outcomes & instead recommended going back on Weight Watchers or South Beach since as a vegetarian they have lots of options & would teach me how to eat food properly rather than jus drink it. Thank God! Although my dad lost 80 lbs. on the medical liquid diet, I tasted the shakes & they were just plain awful.

Once the dildo cam is done & the all clear is given, I'll be doing a monitored Clomid cycle with a Ovidrel trigger & IUI. If you know what that means, you've probably been through it before; if not, consider yourself lucky that you got pregnant the old fashioned way.

A change in plans

I had my RE appt on Monday & to make a long story short, we are holding off on further IF tx until next year. I am doing a medically supervised weight loss program per my RE's orders.

As many of you know, I am what is considered obese; I'm about 100 lbs overweight. Even though all of my bloodwork has come back normal, I passed my glucose test with flying colors, & have very regular, apparently ovulatory cycles, he is convinced the reason I am not pregnant yet is because of the weight even though my mother was also what is considered obese when she got accidentally pregnant with me & had my sister (planned) after only 3 months of trying.

Of course, my medical insurance is refusing to pay for this so my RE is going to bat for me & being a PITA to them until they cover it, thank God. He's not ordering me to avoid getting pregnant while doing this so I'll still continue to temp & use OPKs but after 13 cycles of doing that already I'm not holding my breath for a BFP. If no BFP by the end of this year, we go back in January to explore other options.

Needless to say I am incredibly upset. While I obviously see my weight is not in the normal range, I feel like I'm being punished for not being a size 10. I'm calling my doc to get my Zoloft upped today.

IUI #1 = FAIL

I am beginning to think I will never see two lines on a test. Beta was today & as expected, it was negative as was my pee stick result from yesterday. I'm not much of a drinker but I think I'll be making passion fruit coladas this weekend to celebrate my bitter, empty ute. And with this cycle now being declared a bust, I will be at least 31 when I have my 1st child. Granted, that is still young (to me at least) but it's just another reminder of how long we've been doing this with no success.

Pregnant people are all around me. Right now I have 4 pregnant co-workers, which really doesn't bother me because they're all in functional relationships & able to afford kids & be good parents. However, there are many other not-so-shining examples that have been giving me a serious case of the "why me's?" lately.

Example 1: patient who is all of 22 & is on baby #3. The 1st time I met her was the day after she had given birth via c-section; it also just so happened it was the same day as my 1st IUI. Since I had my procedure @ the same hospital, I just took the elevatory up to her room afterwards. To make a long story short, she no longer has custody of her 2 oldest kids & an investigator from DCYF told me they were taking this one as well. The patient has moderate MR; she can barely care for herself & yet she can get pregnant 3 times (that I know of) without any problem. DCYF takes her children away so she just keeps replacing them.

Example 2: patient who is 2 years older than me (32) comes in anxious/angry/depressed about the news her 16 year old daughter just gave her. Yep, she's going to be a grandmother @ the tender age of 32. I'll be happy if I'm merely a mother by then.

Example 3: patient (this one not mine) who is about 8 months pregnant & homeless sitting outside of our treatment center smoking a cigarette. Are you fucking kidding me? I wanted to smack her, but didn't.

At any rate, we are seeing the RE on Monday morning by which time lucky cycle #13 will most likely have arrived. The nurse said he may want to monitor me & maybe talk Clomid; I guess he was kind of thinking I'd be relatively easy BFP on IUI #1 with all my tests coming back as normal. Such is life.

Happy (belated) 4th of July!

We spent the day in Boston @ the Esplanade with friends. What a great day weather-wise; sunny & in the 70s! Here's video I took of the famous 1812 Overture finale:

At least I still have my sense of humor

It's also nice to know others dealing with IF have found some humor in it too. I follow numerous IF blogs as a way of reminding myself I'm not alone & also to prepare myself for what future treatments may hold should IUI #1 not work. One of the funniest out there is 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility. They even have poetry about IF:

ODE TO INFERTILITY

'Twas the night before your period and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring, not even your spouse.
The tampons were waiting in the bathroom with care,
in hopes that Aunt Flow would soon NOT be there.
Your future children were nestled, like dreams in your head,
while visions of cramps start to come before bed.
You're sure you are pregnant, your breasts are so ripe,
you examine that toilet paper each time you wipe.
But you just might be pregnant, you have all the signs,
so why does this test never show those two lines?
And you cry on the floor until you are ill,
tomorrow you'll refuse your prenatal pill.
"Come nausea, sore breasts, and frequent urination!"
"On weight gain, fatigue and then to lactation!"
We are getting impatient, our clocks start to tick,
but each month all we do is pee on that stick.
We know more about ovulation than our family doc,
so please fill our womb before our friends newborns can talk!
We thank all of our relatives for those sympathy hugs,
but we've spent our whole salary on fertility drugs.
Our spouse has more sex than his full teenage years,
but this time he's not bragging to all of his peers.
So before our next cycle, lead us the fertile way,
Happy baby-making to all and keep periods at bay!

I just hope I'm still able to laugh if I get a BFN next week. Seriously, this is turning into the longest 2WW ever. Thankfully due to the 4th of July we have a 3 day weekend so we'll be busy visiting friends, seeing the Boston Pops play on the Esplanade & watching the fireworks over the harbor.