BFNWTFOMGBBQ!

BFN Wednesday, WTF appointment yesterday, AF today...

Guess who's now insulin resistant (IR)? Me. I was borderline when I started seeing my RE last year & she re-checked it this last beta day. She's thinking it's an implantation issue due to the IR given my follies responded well to both the Clomid & Follistim & my lining is fine. She doesn't want to do a lap @ this point because my ute is "textbook". Ironically, I've lost 24 lbs. since starting to see her (she weighed me). So I guess losing weight to get healthy = IR. She did say she was proud of me for losing weight @ a healthy pace & to keep up the good work.

At any rate, the plan is to have me take 2000mg of Metformin ER a day & see her in March (about 8 weeks) for a f/u. Then, we'll do more b/w & see what's up. If my levels are better & I haven't gotten a miracle BFP we will probably do another couple injectible IUIs. If not, we break out the big guns: IVF. So that's the plan & having a plan is a good thing.

Sienfeld had it right!

Aaaaah, Facebook. So many pictures of cutesy wootsey wittle babies! Too bad none of them are mine. And so.many.sonograms. And belly pics. And comments about how "suprised" they were to get pregnant on the first try.

*sigh* and *gag me with a spoon*

I hate that infertility has made me bitter. Even now in the 2 week wait when I actually have a tiny sliver of hope I can taste the bitterness. And don't give me the "when you're pregnant and/or a mother you'll understand"; it just pisses me off more. But I am trying to keep my sarcastic sense of humor. And so, I give you a Sienfeld clip that sums up my feelings of late:

Pregnant women are smug :)

A new year, but with continued suckage

So AF came 2 days after Christmas as expected; no break cycle miracle here. I went in for my monitoring ultrasound & was told I have a "happy" uterus. Seriously, I love the u/s tech; she is too funny. Anways, I now shoot up (allbeit with Follistim) nightly & go back in a few days for yet another monitoring appointment. I'm beginning to think my husband is jealous of the transvaginal ultrasound machine; it's been getting more action that he has as of late.

Christmas was pretty low key; we got a shit ton of snow a few days before the holiday & another dusting yesterday. My grandpa is still @ the nursing home & we visited him Christmas night. He has his good days & bad days. It's interesting in a way that sometimes when the tumor is pressing on a certain area of his brain he cannot speak English, only Portuguese. But it's so sad to know this was almost certainly his last Christmas & he couldn't even enjoy it @ home. We now know for certain he has the same type of brain cancer that killed Ted Kennedy.

Apparently we're going for the 2-for-1 special because my grandmother fell & broke her wrist yesterday. They gave her morphine @ the hospital & she had a really bad reaction; she's currently intubated in the ICU. Apparently she's also in congestive heart failure. Reall?!?!?! I mean, REALLY?!?!?!

With all of this, I totally planned on drinking heavily to welcome 2010 last night; I even bought a Kahlua Mudslides 4 pack. I didn't. I don't know why. Maybe I'll have one tonight. Maybe I'll have all four.