Moving day

I took this week as vacation since Vid's university is on spring break too.  We spent a lovely 3 days in Nantucket (yay for offseason deals!) & came back home yesterday.   Despite being a born & bred New Englander this was my 1st time on the island & Vid's as well.  We were the only people staying @ our B&B which was lovely.  Here's a view from the widow's walk:

I am heading to Chicago on Friday for a girls' weekend (so long as we don't get another pile of snow) but this morning, we moved Nemo.  It was an odd experience to move something so tiny & fragile in what can best be described as an old fashioned milk can.  Vid was petrified of dropping it so I did the carrying to & from the car.  We both kept looking in the backseat to make sure Nemo was still snuggly buckled in for the 20 minute ride through suburban Boston.  Vid also put on a Bach CD for the drive since exposure to classical music before birth supposedly makes babies smarter.  Yes, my husband is nuts:

"A person's a person no matter how small..."

"A person's a person no matter how small..."

But how small is too small?

Well, the answer in states considering personhood legislation is no embryo (person in their mindset) is too small!

Currently in Arizona there is a bill being considered that would require all infertility clinics in the state to track, collect and report data on every single human embryo created and then publish that information publicly:

"...this newer bill seeks to capture and make publicly available information on the disposition of every embryo created in the process of in-vitro fertilization, and the results of every treatment involving ART. The information required is largely redundant to the statistics and information submitted to the CDC, most of which is publicly available.”

HIPAA violation, anyone?

I just want the government out of my life.  Politically, I'm what you'd term a libertarian.  I mean, if you're going to publish  info on my IVF then why not publish a notice in the newspaper every 28 days when my period comes & I may or may not have had a viable embryo expelled from my uterus before it implanted?

Over the course of 3 IVFs we transferred 4 embryos, none of which stuck: The Lone Ranger, Cheech & Chong, and Stewie.  They had names.  I had hope.  And they are not persons, because they are not here with me now.  They never implanted, never grew & were never born.

I have 1 frozen embryo we will likely transfer this summer: Nemo.  Yes, 1 frosty out of 3 cycles & I'm not even dx with DOR. Because as you know only a small % of women undergoing IVF ever have any embryos to freeze. But the media makes it sound like every IVF is a success & we all have 2,375 frosties just waiting for us to destroy them. So not the case. And anyways, no matter if one considers herself "pro life" or "pro choice", if you're infertile, really, the only thing you want is a child.

Totsicle update

 

So, we met with an RE @ the practice where we did IVF #2. We are moving Nemo ourselves. She has had people do it before with no issue. Basically I have to call Clinic Y & see what I need to do paperwork wise, then call Clinic X to reserve the canister; it's like a $100 deposit that gets refunded upon return of the tank. So I get the tank, bring it to Clinic Y where they put Nemo in, then bring it back to Clinic X. The doc actually suggested taking some photos of the tank for a baby book (hopefully). I am off next week & Wednesday is the only day I have nothing going on/am local so hopefully the stars align & we can do it then. If not, no rush since the FET won't be til after Memorial Day.  We will also need to wait to sign FET consents too since they're only good for 3 mos. We will be doing an estrogen protocol for the FET.

So far as any future IVFs if the FET doesn't work, she thinks there's a bigger MFI issue than we realize as well. His SAs are always great #s wise but throughout the years his motility has been all over the place & his morph is always low. She does recommend a sperm frag test & says we can have him start taking supplements thereafter if it is an issue.

Regarding me, she thinks the protocol from IVF #2 likely yielded good results because of the "Clomid kickstart" since it sends your hormones into overdrive. She isn't sure if I need tons of stims because of my weight or because I'm simply a slow responder but that's neither here nor there with an FET.  We will do PIO & suppositories (fun!) as well as monitor my progesterone since in her experience bigger women need more support.

Diamonds are a sperm's best friend

Nope, not a girl's best friend, but a sperm's best friend, according to new research:

"It turns out that when your standard polystyrene petri dish gets wet, its surface softens into a toxic goo that might be damaging cells. Coat a quartz petri dish with a nanolayer of diamond, however, and you've created a cellular safe haven."

 Because IVF isn't expensive enough, let's coat the petri dish in diamonds!  Hey, if it gets me a child, I'll figure out a way to pay @ this point.

Snowed in

We survived "Nemo".  No, I'm not referring to the lone frosty we have of the same name, but to the blizzard that hit us here in New England over the weekend.  We got about 2 feet of snow.  And right now it's pouring rain, which will freeze overnight, since the city did such a shit job plowing.  Here's a photo of my street AFTER they plowed:

Yeah.  My little Hyundai Elantra got stuck twice in the slush coming home from work today.  We actually got out of work early because they were worried about the parking garage collapsing from the weight of the snow.  So, they ordered a big front end loader to haul off the snow from the top level to God knows where.  Vid's university cancelled classes so he didn't have to teach today.  We're supposed to get more snow Wednesday & maybe even more next weekend.  Lovely.

We lost power around 9pm Friday night.  No power means no CPAP for my husband's apnea & therefore no sleep for me either.  Thankfully, we have a gas stove so we could still cook.  We used our fireplace for the 1st time.  My ginormous collection of Yankee Candles actually came in handy as we read by firelight, crochet (me) & watched DVDs on the laptop.  Power came back on around midnight Saturday going into Sunday; the thermostat read 41 degrees @ that point.  I was grateful for a snuggly dog & cat, let me tell you!

And before you ask, there was no hanky panky going on since Aunt Flo was in town.  But I can promise you this: I will throat punch anyone who makes a comment about all the babies that will be born in November because of this storm!

America's baby bust

Who would've thunk I'd be posting on my infertility blog about an article I read today from this weekend's Wall Street Journal?  Yet here we are.  And apparently I'm partly to blame for the U.S.'s "baby bust":

"Today, America's total fertility rate is 1.93, according to the latest figures from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention; it hasn't been above the replacement rate in a sustained way since the early 1970s."

 My mom is the oldest of 7, my dad the oldest of 3.  I have 1 uncle who has 4 kids; everyone else has 1 or 2.  My in-laws also come from large families of 4 & 5 kids each.  However, my parents only had 2 kids: me & my younger sister.  And my in-laws did the same: my sister-in-law came along 18 mos after Vid was born.  Contrary to what the average American thinks of India, the south of the country, where Vid is from, has undergone massive family planning campaigns since the 1970s.  Among his peers, most of them also only have 1 sibling.  If we ever manage to procreate, we are "1 & done", unless a miracle occurs in the form of twins or the immaculate conception,  So what can we do to help encourage procreation?  Some ideas:

"Conservatives like to think that if we could just provide the right tax incentives for childbearing, then Americans might go back to having children the way they did 40 years ago. Liberals like to think that if we would just be more like France—offer state-run day care and other programs so women wouldn't have to choose between working and motherhood—it would solve the problem. But the evidence suggests that neither path offers more than marginal gains."

Both tax incentives & state run day cares are interesting ideas to be sure.  But what about us infertiles who don't get squat in the way of tax breaks for our embryos crapping out before they turn into humans?  I suppose I should take solace in the fact I can write off health care related expenses if they exceed 10% of income.  But what about those if us who will never use state-run daycare, even if we do finally have a kid?  I know daycare is expensive & all but so is infertility!  And @ least you have fun with kids; there is nothing fun about giving yourself a shot in the ass every night & then still getting your period.

Speaking of which:

"The problem is that, while making babies is fun, raising them isn't. A raft of research shows that if you take two people who are identical in every way except for childbearing status, the parent will be on average about six percentage points less likely to be "very happy" than the nonparent. (That's just for one child. Knock off two more points for each additional bundle of joy.)"

1. Making babies is not fun for an infertile. 2. I beg to differ that I am happier than a parent.  Do I think having a baby will make me the hap, hap, happiest person since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye?  No.  But for every woman complaining about 3am feedings there is another wishing it was her.

Happy anniversary?

Friday marked 5 years of marriage for us.  We went out to dinner @ one of our favorite places thanks to a Groupon & in 3 weeks we are going to Nantucket for a 2 night getaway thanks to Living Social.  I've always been a bargain hunter thanks to my mother, who taught me from an early age to clip coupons.  With the advent of the internet, deal hunting has changed & I've since taught her how to shop cheap online.   But anyways:

5 years of marriage.  Half a decade.  Longer than a presidential term of office.  Longer than many marriages last.  I'd be lying if I said it hasn't been hard.  I actually know of a few couples where infertility has resulted in divorce.  Not just because of the infertility obviously, but it certainly added to stress that was already there.  And I always wonder if we'll be next because of it.

Reaching the 5 year mark of our marriage also means the 5 year mark of our infertility is just around the corner.  To every person who told us to "enjoy each other; don't start trying to have kids right away": eff you.  I still have my husband for now, but I may never have a child to enjoy.  There is nothing enjoyable about infertility.  I'd give anything to feel a kick from inside, feel the burning pain of labor, be woken up @ 3am for a dirty diaper, be told "no" by a sassy toddler.

We are infertile.  We don't need to worry about finding a babysitter to go out to dinner.  We don't need to worry about hauling a car seat or pack & play on the ferry.  It's just us.  It may only be just us.  Well, us plus the dog & cat. :)