FET time

Right on time, my uterus began expelling its contents early Wednesday morning.  I don't know if it's the anticipation of the upcoming FET or the Estrace I'm on, but Holy Mother of God this is the most painful period I've had in a long time.  Anywho, Nemo is set to be transferred around 6/21.  Say a prayer, folks, because if this doesn't work it's going to get awkward @ work when I go from being staff to patient.

Back from Ireland

Did ya miss me?

We had an awesome time with my cousins in County Kerry & exploring a bit of the country.  We were really lucky in that it only rained for one morning & was sunny the rest of the week; definitely not your typical Irish weather.

Alas, we got back last night & I went back to work today.  Vid is officially on vacation for the summer but will be teaching a class as an adjunct @ another college.  Lucky bastard.  

While we were gone a sad thing happened.  My parents' dog died.  MuShu (he was a Pekingese like my dog) was 16 & had a good life but it's still rough on us all.  I think the fact it happened while we were away & didn't get to say goodbye makes it worse.  He (like most Pekes) was such a sweet, mellow little guy; after all, the breed was basically bred to sit on the lap of the Chinese emperor, keep him warm & generally look cute.  I always thought he'd get to meet my kids & nap with them.  Yet another thing infertility ruined.

Another thing that happened was my cousin with the honeymoon baby had kid #2 on her 3rd anniversary.  Another perfect girl.  Whatever.

But let's not dwell on those things.  I promised some pics from our trip & will oblige.  These are only a few of about 200 but you'll get the idea:

Celtic High Cross @ Clonmacnoise

Cliffs of Moher

The technicolor green fields of the Dingle Peninsula 

 that reminded me of the 'Teletubbies' tv show

Abbey Island in Caherdaniel where most 

of my mom's family is buried

Kilmainham Gaol, the (IMHO)

coolest place in Dublin

Vid drunkenly leaning against the gate @ Guinness Storehouse

after drinking his beers & mine.  I don't like beer but the tour

was interesting.

Me sitting in 'The Wishing Chair' in Rossbeigh's playground,

hoping it will help with our upcoming FET.

 And for good measure, I bought a 

"grow your own 4 leaf clover" kit,

because we need all the luck we can get.

Off to (one of my) motherland(s)

Our bags are packed & we're ready to go.  We'll drop the pets off @ my parents (a.k.a. "grandma & grandpa") in a couple hours then head up to Logan for our overnight flight.  The weather looks good for the week (just a small chance of rain every day) & temps look to be comfortable for travel (in the 50s).  I'll be looking for a 4-leaf clover to bring home for our FET cycle since we need all the luck we can get.

Only in my dreams

I think the anticipation of cycling again is getting to me.  In the past week, I've had 2 very realistic dreams:

In the 1st one,  I was thrown a surprise baby shower. 2 good infertile friends who I know from a message board I used to frequent drove up from NY for it among others. We've met several times before so it's not like they're imaginary interwebs friends.  I was sobbing I was so happy. Then I woke up to Vid snoring because his CPAP had slipped & wasn't working properly.

In the 2nd one, beta came back as 920 & I was bleeding but the doc checked me & I was ok.  I vividly remember arguing in the dream with the RE about 920 being too high for a 1st beta.  She kept insisting that she was not b.s.ing me.  Don't remember much after that though.

It's nice to be pregnant, if only in my dreams.

Mothers' Day...again

As our 5th "TTC-a-versary" draws near (next month), today marks my 4th Mothers' Day as a mother-in-waiting.  Today, I will not leave the house lest someone accidentally wish me a Happy Mothers' Day which I may or may not be able to handle in a graceful manner.  Would I smile awkwardly & just keep walking while trying not to cry, or throat punch such a person?  Yup; definitely safer to stay home.

While it's cool to see everyone's pics with their moms, both living & deceased, on Facebook, it's equally painful to see the posts of my friends & family with their little ones.  So, I decided to make my profile pic the photo I took with Nemo on his/her moving day:

This may be the only photo I ever take with my child.  Yes, Nemo is only a day 5 blast, but you cannot imagine the love I have for that little clump of cells.  If things actually go according to plan next month's FET, next year Nemo will be a 2 month old for Mothers' Day 2014.  If things go badly, there is a great likelihood that I will be in the same exact position next year as I am now: a childless mother.

Mmmm...mangoritas!

Today is Infertility Survival Day.  I did not know this until logging on to Fertilebook just now; did you?  It's celebrated the Sunday before Mothers' Day, which this year happens to be Cinco de Mayo.  Vid & I went out for Mexican last night thanks to a Living Social deal & split a pitcher of mangoritas.  Today, my family is having dinner & these will be served yet again.  #WINNING!  This will be the 1st time since undergrad I drank heavily 2 nights in a row.  Since next weekend is Fertile's Day, I will also be purchasing a bottle of red wine to drown my sorrows in.  2 weekends in a row; wish me luck!

Someone totes stole my idea!

Remember this post from about 18 mos ago when I wrote about wanting to do a performance piece on infertility in response to the woman who gave birth as one?  Well, someone else thought it would be a good idea too:

Encouraging transparency and demystification through baring her body and fertility journey, Marilee will become LIVING ART by literally taking her IVF hormone injections to the streets. This piece will take place over a 14 day period where every IVF injection will be visually accessible to the public and Live Streamed across the country on USTREAM. "There is so much isolation in this process. Even after 35 years of IVF procedures, people still have no idea what it truly involves and the intense highs and lows that women and couples go through. It's about time to break this silence and taking ownership over this process inherently filled with uncertainty."

On May 30th, 8 pm Marilee will do her first public injection at SOMArts as part of one of two full evening performance art pieces. During this performance, she will be unveiling her art installation inspired by a 1920's broken down hospital room, which will be open to viewers for the duration of the two weeks. From May 30th-June 12th as the hormone injections begin to affect Marilee's body, she will externalize her internal physical changes by transforming the old and distressed hospital installation into a vibrant and lush garden

Wonder if I can sue; ha!  And why is it that all I can think of when I hear "performance art" is this?

Yup, everything comes back to 'The Big Lebowski'.