Award for Best Viral Video from RESOLVE

A great video to share with fellow infertiles as well as family & friends:

What IF? A Portrait of Infertility from Keiko Zoll on Vimeo.

Hi ho, hi ho, it's off to therapy I go!

Yeah, so, I can't take this no baby shit anymore. My cousin's lovely announcement basically put me over the edge. I'm not blaming her for getting pregnant or anything like that. If it wasn't her, surely it would be my other cousin who just got married or the 2 friends I have getting married later this year. Shit, all 4 of them will probably have kids before me @ this rate. Let's just say the Zoloft alone is no longer cutting it. So now not only am I the hair club president, but I'm also a client: I work in psych research & am now on the receiving end of therapy. The person I am seeing comes recommended by my RE & actually specializes in dealing with folks with fertility issues. Hopefully she'll give me the tools I need to get through this & not be so bitchy to people who manage to get knocked up on their honeymoon. Oops, did I say that out loud? Whatever...

Stupid people who have kids & I don't: vol. 2

Cops: Drunk pair push stroller with kids, bayonet

I totally called it!

Remember this post from last month?:

"Also, my cousin's wedding is next weekend. I don't know if they'll be trying to get pregnant right away or not, yet I'm almost certain she'll get knocked up before me. Thank God it's an open bar!"

Well...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yup, they've been married a whole 5 weeks & she's knocked up. My dear, sweet mother decided to tell me the news WHILE DRIVING. Thanks, mom. My day wasn't rough enough, let's see if we can make me get into an accident too. Of course I broke down in tears. I hate that infertility has turned what should be happy occasions into painful ones.

If there was every an infertility movie, I have a great idea for a title:

I think this blog needs a weekly feature, don't you?

How about we call it "They have a baby & I don't?!?!?!?"

*sigh*

Unfortunately, it could probably be a daily feature. But I digress. And give you this as a first installment:

Couple Tried to Sell Baby Outside Walmart for $25

I hate people.

More peeps all up in my junk

So, I've been seeing a Fertility Care practitioner for the past month or so & using the Creighton model. And yet again it's a small world: the person I've been meeting with is the wife of a kid (now in his mid 30s) I sang in choir with back in the day. She's currently pregnant with #3 & also has PCOS so it gives me some hope. It's also nice to have a "girlfriend" to chat about the wonders of infertility: Metformin ass, dildo cams, cervical mucus, etc.

You're probably saying "Creighton model? WTF does that mean? Well, it's best described as the Catholic church's answer to seeing an RE. For more info, see http://www.creightonmodel.com/. Don't worry, I'm still a bad Catholic in many ways (ha!) but I'm also open minded about alternatives to doing more IUIs or having to go down the IVF road. Maybe I'm just delaying the inevitable, but considering it's been 2 years of nada, what's another few months of this?

In addition to seeing Monica I'm also being refered to a gyno who specializes in endometriosis. I've had a thought in the back of my mind for quite a while as to if I have that given my mother's recurrent issues with fibroids & the fact (TMI ALERT!) that when I have my period I often pass what can be described as grape jelly: dark purple/black clots. However, my periods aren't painful like most women with endo. Then again, I'm also the weirdo with super regular cycles who has PCOS.

My appt to see Dr. Endo (not his real name) is on July 16. I'm hoping we'll be able to schedule a lap to be done by the end of summer because when classes start up again in the fall, fuggeddaboudit. Also, Vid is off for the summer (lucky college profs & their schedules!) so he can be my nursemaid while I recover. Ha! Not that I'm looking forward to surgery, but it'll be nice to know if there's endo or not for certain.

Add another person to the list of people all up in my junk

I've reached a new low.

I had 3 Dollar Store pregnancy tests in the bathroom vanity last cycle. Normally, I start testing about 12 DPO or so, because miracles do occur, or at least that's what I've heard. But this past cycle, for the first time in the 2 years we've been TTC, I didn't POAS. My husband, who is just as eager to see what a positive pregnancy test looks like as I am, begged me to take one. After all, we had great timing, like always, which has yielded nada. I informed him my new rule is no POAS unless & until I reach CD 30 as my normal cycles are 27-29 days long. And wouldn't ya know on CD 28 AF arrived like clockwork yet again. So the tests are still in the vanity, waiting for a time when I get to see a CD 30. Their expiration date is at the end of 2011; hopefully I get to use them by then & get a happy result for a change.