Goodbye, 2011

Yes, I know 2011 isn't officially over for another 3 days but this will likely be my last blog post of this year as we are flying out in the wee hours of New Year's Day on a much needed vacation that has been postponed for one reason or another since the early summer.  The weather looks to actually be cooperating for our departure which is good since I have been convinced we'd get a blizzard this week which would screw up my plans because the universe appears to hate me like that. 

Instead, I've had what's either the flu or a very, very bad cold since Christmas Eve night.  I went to the doctor & got prescription strength cough medicine with codeine yesterday so I've actually been able to sleep (cat nap, really) for most of last night & today instead of hacking up every shade of green in the Sherwin-Williams paint catalogue.  I am really hoping to go back to work tomorrow as I had planned on using this week as a catch up week so I won't want to kill myself when I get back from a week off & jump into stims & monitoring for IVF.  I had banked a good amount of sick time in anticipation of using it for ER & ET, plus some insurance days if I had any IVF-related issues, but this illness means I now have 3 less days to work with.  Hopefully I won't need tons of time off & all will go smoothly, but given my track record, I find that hard to believe.

Christmas itself was rather painless.  I used my being sick as a "get out of jail free" card for my great aunt's annual holiday open house on Monday night.  I was not in the mood to deal with my cousin's pregnant special needs girlfriend (click here to refresh your memory) or his sister who is also pregnant (of course).  The only thing that really stung on Christmas Day itself was my aunt who gave my sister an ornament of a clay couple with the woman holding a pregnant belly with a "?" on it.  Baby's 1st Christmas: something else I may never get to experience.  Maybe I'll just slap a bow on an empty vial of Lupron to hang from the tree for next year.  If there is a Christmas next year @ all, what with the Mayans predicting the end of the world. ;P

Yee haw!

AF showed in the wee hours of Thursday morning, right on schedule.  I started my 3 weeks of BCPs last night.  So I guess IVF #1 (which better be the only one I ever have to experience) is officially underway!  Hopefully this will be my last ride on the cotton pony for @ least 9 months!

Oh, to have this problem!

Meet Gemma Potter, 23, Pregnant Seven Times In Five Years, Despite Using Contraception :

Gemma Potter, a 23-year-old mom of three says she has tried every form of contraception: the Pill, condoms, the coil, progestogen injections, an implant... But, despite these precautions, she and husband Glenn, 27, can't stop getting pregnant. They are expecting another baby now, and this is her seventh pregnancy in five years (she's had two miscarriages and one ectopic pregnancy).

May I be so bold as to suggest her husband get a vasectomy? And you gotta love the spin on her "problem": At this point, the silver lining on her extreme fertility is that she may be able to help other people become parents: "If I keep having children and it gets to the stage that I can't afford them any more I would consider surrogacy," she said.

Except that she has a history of miscarriage & ectopic pregnancy which would likely exclude her from being a surrogate. I wouldn't wish those experiences on anyone, but really? Have a clue before you open your mouth. Oh, and being a surrogate means you also have to have the ability to NOT GET PREGNANT @ the drop of a hat so you can, you know, carry a baby for someone else; this seems to have been a major issue for her.

Ah fertile problems. Very much like 1st world problems, don't you think? ;)

Permanently etched on my body

I got tattoo # 8 today. It's a pomegranate. Pomegranates, a longstanding symbol of fertility, serve as a strong analogy to those of us dealing with infertility. Though each pomegranate skin is unique in color and texture, the seeds inside are remarkably similar from fruit to fruit. Though our individual diagnosis/diagnoses is unique, those seeds on the inside, are the same from person to person. Infertility creates frustration, fear, anger, depression, guilt, loneliness & so many other emotions. Compounding these is the shame that drives people suffering from infertility to retreat into silence. But I will not be silent. Infertility has been permanently etched on my body for the whole world to see.

The 12 Infertile Days of Christmas

12 cycles (or more) of trying

11 pregnant people blocked on Facebook

10 days of Follistim

9 days of waiting til beta

8 sleepless nights

7 mood swings

6 vials of PIO

5 day transfer of embryos

4 transvaginal ultrasounds

3 semen samples

2 HSGs

1 elusive BFP

Like birthing an elephant (or 2)

There was a framed picture of an elephant mom & calf in the room where I had my latest HSG (needed to update testing before starting IVF later this month) @ the RE's. I love elephants; the babies are so cute! They suck their trunks like human babies suck their thumbs:



Outside of rhinos, elephants have the longest gestation period of any animal on earth, even longer than whales! The pregnancy or gestation period of female Asian elephants is about 21 months (1 year, 9 month). Since this month marks 3.5 years of TTC for me, I can now say we've been trying to have a bay for as long as it takes to birth 2 elephants. What a wonderful realizaiton. If/when we get pregnant, 9 months will be like NOTHING!

More infertile nightmares

In the past I've posted about nightmares I've had of being kidnapped & forced to attend baby showers for my cousin who got pregnant on her honeymoon. Well, they're baaaack! This time, though, they're about my upcoming IVF.

This past week, I have had 2 of them. In the first, I go to my egg retrieval & when I wake up they tell me none of my eggs were mature. In the second, none of my eggs fertilize, even with ICSI.

Clearly it's time for a med adjustment. Or a vacation.