New shit has come to light

So I talked to my old RE today: the one I adore, the one who did a protocol for IVF #2 that was personalized to me & me alone, the one who I followed to Clinic Y & then ended up leaving under mysterious circumstances.  I found out the reasons she left but won't go into them here as it's my place to do so.  Some of the things that were discussed:

• She thinks that we have an awesome shot with Nemo given it was frozen @ day 5.  Like many of us she wonders if any of the 4 embies we transferred over 3 IVFs even made it to day 5 once transferred.

• She still doesn’t believe the “lose weight & get pregnant” hypothesis given the fact I O on my own & have a regular cycle & went off on a bit of a tangent about how docs who say stuff like that are “lazy”.  She said that I stim just fine if it’s done “low & slow” which was clear from my retrieval for IVF #2.  

•   If anything, she thinks DH losing weight may help if there is a male factor (he has great over all #s but his mot & morph are borderline).  She said he should also start taking COQ10.  She really thinks the issue is MFI & a sperm frag test would likely show DNA level issues.  And PICSI is a good idea if there is more severe MFI.  In fact, it might be Nemo is the product of the only “PICSI worthy” sperm they used (her words, LOL).

• Finally, she told me to please keep in touch (she’s not sure if she will be going back into practice or just continue teaching @ this point) & feel free to run any ideas by her, that in no way should I give up @ this point, that I should continue questioning REs & that my husband can call to commiserate about crazy Indian parents anytime (ha!).

So lots to ponder.  And that's a good feeling for now.

So easy a caveman can do it!

A Harvard Universityprofessor is seeking to create a Neanderthal baby.  His plan is to make artificial Neanderthal DNA based on genetic code found in fossils. He would put this DNA into stem cells from a human embryo in the early stages of life.  It is thought that the stem cells would steer the development of the hybrid embryo on Neanderthal lines, rather than human ones.  

According to the article, "After growing in the lab for a few days, the 'neo-Neanderthal embryo would be implanted in the womb of a surrogate mother".  Because as we all know, embryos can totally be implanted into the uterus, thus guaranteeing pregnancy.  IVF: so easy a caveman can do it!  But, I can't.

*sigh*

Angry doesn't even begin to describe it.

Not my Post Secret, but might as well be:

WTF, v. 3

Background to my WTF:

For IVF #1 I went to a place I'll call Clinic W because they didn’t have BMI restrictions for IVF.  Did long Lupron & it was a shit cycle (5R, 2M, 1F with ICSI).  I asked that RE about changing protocols & she was not receptive so I bailed.  In the meantime my original RE’s practice finally relaxed their BMI restrictions so I went back to her @ Clinic X for IVF #2 & we did a “kitchen sink” antagonist protocol (Clomid for 5 days, then low & slow with Follistim, Cetrotide & Menopur).  Ironically, I had a cyst this cycle but it was a much better stim (10R, 8M, 4F with ICSI).  For IVF #3 (followed my RE to her new practice @ Clinic Y but she left; still not sure what happened) & did straight antagonist with similar results to IVF #1 (6R, 4M, 2F with ICSI but 1 arrested the morning of transfer).  I have 1 frosty (Nemo) from IVF #2.

WTF (Cliffs Notes version):

RE suggested micro Lupron.   I told him I was not interested given how horrible it make me feel.  I asked about repeating the protocol for IVF #2 & he said he didn’t think the Clomid made much difference.  I asked about estrogen priming since I wonder if the estrogen from the cyst actually helped things for IVF #2 by giving me more follies & a good maturity rate.  He was “meh” about it.  I asked about adding aspirin or steroids & was given the “there’s evidence both for & against” line.  I asked about immune testing & even though he was neutral on it he told me what I already knew: insurance in MA doesn’t cover (we’re @ a satellite office of a well known MA clinic) & in our state it’s rare.  I asked about a sperm frag test & he said DH’s #s appeared fine.  I told him I had been told by the 2 other REs before him the overall #s were fine but the morph was borderline & his motility was low.  Inconsistent much?

After we went through everything, he said “it might take a few tries to get it” & suggested losing weight would magically cure my infertility.  I told him I already tried IVF 3 times & have been TTC for 5 years now.  I also showed him the article on weight loss & how it does not improve egg quality or pregnancy rates.  I also pointed out how despite being a size 22/24 I have a 28 day cycle & all my latest hormonal b/w is within normal limits.  Also, having never made it to a day 5 transfer, I wonder if any of the day 3 embryos we transferred even had a shot?  He did say it's about 50/50 from his experience.  Interesting, as I have an infertile friend whose only success was her lone frosty which was a day 5 embryo who is now a perfect 3 month old baby boy.

My thoughts:

I left feeling like I clearly need to not do another fresh cycle there.  We will do an FET with Nemo sometime this year; he was ok with not using Lupron & using estrogen instead, which was good.  But if that doesn’t work, I’m going to have to look into if my insurance covers working with Braverman in NY (3 hrs away).  First, I need to get copies of my records.  It says on his website that he takes Blue Cross (which we have) but I don’t know about out of network deductibles, etc.  DH keeps saying “we’ll make it work/find the $ somehow” but I have no idea how.  I’m kind of ok with CFNBC in a strange way; I mean, we’ve been living it for 5 years now anyways, so how does it really change anything?  I’m just so sick of my life being dictated by cycling.

Not pregnant.

And not surprised.  I didn't test before but I knew; after almost 5 years of TTC you just know.  We are meeting with the doc tomorrow.  I am thinking we will do an FET with our lone frosty then it's time to accept we will never be parents.  I never in a million years dreamed I'd utter those words, but here we sit & there it is.

Yack!

This is what I've been experiencing since yesterday afternoon:

I started feeling nauseous late morning yesterday.  I had egg & cheese on a biscuit & a coffee with cream from Mc D's that morning which was nothing out of the ordinary.  I was feeling too crappy to have lunch so I just had a bottle of water.  Around 3pm, I vomited with such gusto it still hurts to stretch or pick anything up.  I went home from work, praying the entire time I would not vom in the car. 

My husband was home & asked me what was going on.  I told him I puked @ which point he smiled & declared I was pregnant.  Um, no; way too early.  And if there was anything taking up residence in my ute, certainly it's not there any more given my abdominal spasms.  I last puked around midnight & generally feel like I've been run over by a truck.  Blargh.