Infertility-induced psychosis

 It's a beautiful day so I decided to hang out the freshly washed shirts to dry. Of course a bird then shit on them.  I've been told this is good luck, but  I cried.  Oh & I ugly cried 2 times yesterday for no reason.  Vid made some sort of snide remark that I don't even remember & it sent me over the edge.  And the other time I don't even know what set me off.

Also, it safe to say a lot of progesterone = a lot of cramps. I had no cramping that I can remember from the Crinone I took for IVF #1.  I had some small cramping on straight PIO for IVFs 2 & 3 but this time I am on Endometrium BID as well as the ass shot @ bed time.  Friday I had some cramps that literally had me doing breathing exercises.  

BTW my husband has actually been doing the PIO shots this time; my mom (who lives a mile down the road) did it for my previous cycles.  This is HUGE for him as I normally have to hold his hand for him to complete blood work.  The 1st shot he did he literally prayed before he stuck the needle in,.  Adorable.

I POAS this morning @ 4dp5dt. Negative. It was strategic though. The stick expires this month (you know you're infertile when your pregnancy test stash is several years old) & I knew the likelyhood of getting anything but a negative was slim to none. So now I won't be tempted to test closer to beta when there is a chance of getting a real negative yet I've satiated the need to pee on something.  

I think the fact that this is the "make or break" cycle is adding to my infertility-induced psychosis.  The fact that if this doesn't work, we need to decide what our next move will be, if anything, is terrifying.  Not that I won't likely be a basket care for my entire pregnancy is this does work.  Don't get me wrong; I have a sliver of hope, mainly because I've never done an FET before & therefore have not had my heart broken in this manner yet.  However that could all change on Friday.  We shall see.