Tears

So this is what trying to conceive has come to.

My best guess is I ovulated on Monday so we made sure to do the deed a few times this weekend. I don't know what came over me, but I burst into tears on Sunday night just as Vid was about to, umm, commence activities. Of course it totally freaked him out. I just kept telling him "I hate this, there's no point" which he did not take kindly to.

We took a time out for an hour or so to get my composure back & I explained to him I didn't hate him, but I hate the fact that after 2.5 years of perfectly timed sex we have nothing to show for it. We're young & besides my IF issues healthy so sex should be something I want, but I really could care less, and it hurts because I love him so very much. Of course he still lives in la-la land that a miracle with eventually occur. I wish I had his faith. We eventually did have intercourse, but I still can't believe I had a major meltdown like that.

When I brought this up to my therapist, she didn't bat an eye. She said actually this is quite common among infertiles as women tend to have a harder time separating the physical aspect of sex from the psychological. What's more, an informal survey of the ladies on an infertility message board I frequent backs this up. But either way, it doesn't make me feel any better about what happened.