I had a birthday over the weekend. I am now 34: officially 1 year away from being considered AMA (advanced maternal age). I've never thought of 34 or 35 as being especially old, but honestly, this birthday depressed the hell out of me. Part of it was probably the cold, pouring rain we had all day; it didn't exactly elevate the mood. I mean, plenty of people have kids at 35 & beyond with no issues. But I am not one of those people; I wasn't one of those people when we first TTC at the relatively young age of 29. I thought I'd be done with child bearing by around 35 or 36, having 3 or 4 kids. Now, I am pleading with the universe for just 1 by that age, if I'm lucky.
At this point almost everything is a reminder of how long we've been in this war. I find myself becoming more & more like that old curmudgeon who stands on the front lawn & yells @ everyone who drives by to slow down. Well not literally, but my tolerance level for people in general has almost completely disappeared. I roll me eyes almost constantly. I purposely go out @ odd hours so I don't have to deal with others. The snark level is @ an all time high. It's more & more challenging to keep my sense of humor & by extension my sense of self.
Oh well. At least I got to have cake.