Saturday, September 29, 2012

My 1st NSFW post

Chinese hospitals have introduced a hands-free sperm extractor that also plays videos to "help" along men who may have a difficult time producing a sample manually.  Cost?  $2,800.  Here's the machine in action (sans penis):

Having worked as a grad student in the archives of a sex research institute in a well respected university, I was aware of a product called Fleshlight, which is essentially a fake vagina used for masturbatory purposes.  Curious, I googled to see if there was an automatic version & there is: Autoblow, which sells for about $100 for the standard model.   

Granted there is no video screen on the Autoblow, but how hard would it be to just leave a laptop in an exam room so the guy could search for his favorite porn online?  Lord knows there's enough of it out there for free.  Obviously both "sperm extractors" would need to be sanitized between uses; I assume there must be some sort of condom-like collection device involved for collection too.  Also, while the Chinese device requires the man to stand, the hand-held one can be used in any number of positions since most guys don't "flog the dolphin" while upright.  And finally, $2800 versus $100 is a huge price difference for the same procedure (if you will).  I guess if you call something a medical device you truly can charge anything you want!  In the case of infertility, certainly nothing is cheap anyways. :/

Monday, September 24, 2012

Sad panda :(

Apparently, over the weekend the baby panda that was born recently @ the National Zoo died.  Poor baby.  And poor mama.  It's one of my worst fears: after trying for years to get pregnant, what if something finally sticks & I lose it?  A dear friend recently went through this: she was pregnant with twins after years of infertility & inexplicably lost one of the babies @ 36 weeks.  I cannot imagine what it's like to finally be blessed with a child while having to bury another one @ the same time.  The universe is truly unfair.

I was especially struck by one of the comments from the zoo staff in this article: "This is devastating for all of us here. It's hard to describe how much passion and energy and thought and care has gone into this".  I wonder, do REs feel this way about us as their patients?  I believe mine does, but maybe she feels it more than most because she went through 6 years of TTC before her son was born thanks to IVF.  Or are we seen merely as stats, as I believe I was @ the practice where I did IVF#1?  What's your experience been?


Sunday, September 23, 2012

Finding (my) Nemo

My WTF was rescheduled due to the fact my RE spaced out about the Jewish high holy days.  My RE is Hindu but about as observant as my husband (meaning she also eats beef, lol) but her DH is Jewish so they celebrate 2 sets of holidays in their house like we do (Catholic & Hondu).  She was very apologetic but really, what's another 2 weeks in the grand scheme of things?  Especially since we're not cycling again for another few months.

So yeah, we decided on moving ahead with IVF #3 & saving our frosty.  Even if we get lucky & the 3rd time really is the charm, he/she will be given a shot @ life down the road.  Although I've bargained myself down to "just 1" with God (who apparently doesn't even want to give me that) I'll use however many frosties I may end up with, even if it's something redonk like 5.  It's just my personal belief that they should be given the chance to turn into humans; if you diasgree, that's your choice.  Not that I have any real hope of getting that many anyways, but I digress...

Speaking of my lone frosty, I decided to watch "Finding Nemo" late last night because I was in a foul mood thanks to being crampy (AF arrived today) & out of my fave wine which my husband did not tell me he finished (yes, I let him live).  The seagulls kill me!  Surely, this will make me feel better, right?  Except I forgot about the 1st scene:

*cue tears*

That one little egg is much like my one little frosty.  The hope which is contained in something so small means more than anything in the world to me right now.  And I'm so scared of losing him/her.  As long as he/she is frozen, I have hope.  After 4 years & numerous failed treatment cycles, I really don't have much hope left.  Except for my Nemo.  Please, God, let my frosty become a child some day.

Monday, September 17, 2012

A new low: I am jealous of a panda

In case you didn't hear, Mei Xiang, one of the pandas @ the National Zoo in DC, gave birth earlier this morning.  According to the article, "the panda had five false pregnancies over the past five years, and zoo officials gave her only a 10 percent chance of having a cub".  She got pregnant from an IUI back in May.  So a panda with a 10% change gets pregnant from an IUI & I never did.  FU IF.  FU hard!

Saturday, September 8, 2012

An Indian woman on infertility

She does a great job explaining a lot of the Indian/Hindu cultural issues surrounding infertility that I'm dealing with:

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

FET, IVF, WTF, FML, etc.

With summer unofficially over, it's back to the grind for Vid.  He's back teaching 2@ one university & being a PhD student @ another as of today.  I told him as I left for work this morning, "See you in December" since our schedules (I'm also in school part time while working full time) mean we are 2 ships passing in the night for the most part. 

Although that's not entirely accurate though since we've booked a trip to Montreal the week of Thanksgiving using a Living Social deal.  It's driving distance (about 6 hours) which is nice.  Vid has never been to Montreal & I haven't been since high school (over 15 years ago).  Thus we are successfully avoiding spending the holiday with relatives for the 4th straight year.  WINNING!  2009: India.  2010: Las Vegas.  2011: Vid had surgery the day before so we stayed home so he could rest.  And finally 2012: Oh Canada!

As for Christmas, I am unsure of our ability to avoid it as well.  I feel terrible for thinking it but I'm not looking forward to all the "Baby's 1st Christmas" crap that will be bestowed upon my nephew.  I'm thinking our out may be IVF#3 which we'd likely undertake upon our return from Canada.  I may just have to be on post-ET bed rest for the birth of Our Lord & Savior, if you catch my drift...

Of course at this point we're not really sure about doing an FET with our lone frosty versus a fresh IVF cycle so the above scenario is hearsay.  I'd kind of like to hold on to the frosty as an insurance policy but an FET is so much less invasive, not to mention cheaper.  If we did an FET, it'd likely be next month so we could still fit in another IVF by the end of the year in case of yet another BFN with the FET.  Not that we *need* to cycle before the end of the year for any particular reason, other than that I'm sick of this shit & something's gotta work eventually for Christ's sake. 

And I want to get back on the healthy wagon before another IVF cycle.  Speaking of which, if you own stock in Ben & Jerry's, you're welcome; these past 2 weeks since the BFN have been atrocious for me diet-wise.  Anywho, financially we'd also need to do a bit of tweaking & planning before another IVF.  And then there's the vacation we booked to relax before the insanity of maybe cycling starts again.

Yes, my head is full & my thoughts are racing.  I'll re-hash most of the above with my RE when we meet next week to discuss options.  I cannot wait for the day my life isn't @ the mercy of my reproductive organs & instead I am ruled by a small human who shares half of my chromosones.  Please pass the Xanax.