Tuesday, July 30, 2013

The (not so great) girl give away!

A Pakistani game show has come under fire for giving away abandoned babies to infertile couples.  In cooperation with a local NGO, couples were vetted & registered to possibly become guardians of such children.  But, they went on said show unprepared & not knowing they were literally going to be handed a newborn girl.  According to the article:

The couple didn't know they would be handed a newborn when they were invited to take part in the show and paperwork was not processed before the live broadcast.  Adoption is not officially recognized in Pakistan and there is no adoption law. The couple will have to apply for guardianship at a family court.

Now I'm no expert on adoption in Pakistan (or the US for that matter) but doesn't this seem like putting the cart before the proverbial horse?  I mean, given the bad publicity this has received it's not outside the realm of possibility that a judge could deny guardianship.  And although I don't know these couples from Adam, my heart aches that they may thus have a baby placed in their arms only to have it taken away.  I've had friends in the US bring babies home only to have the birth mom change her mind.  Being infertile sucks in the US. Having married someone from more Westernized neighboring India where infertility is taboo, I cannot imagine the experience of childlessness in Pakistan. 

I think this article also touched me as someone who long before she married a man from South Asia felt a draw to adopt from there someday but not having any idea what the future held or what the adoption process is like.  I always thought I'd have a couple of bio kids & adopt a couple as well.  I wanted to be Angelina Jolie before it was cool!

So many beautiful little girls being abandoned (if not killed) simply for being female.  So few of them adopted if they are lucky enough to be rescued & grow up in a (not so great most times) orphanage & not die on the streets.  Since Vid was born & raised in India we can actually adopt from there too since the rules (unless they've changed them) state @ least 1 parent has to hold OCI.  If only I could figure out a way to get my hands on upwards of $40,000 & convince my husband it was a good idea.  Oh & that little thing about passing the screening process to prove that despite my Zoloft prescription, I am generally not crazy.  Hopefully they don't read this blog!

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

The post in which I loose my proverbial shit

Thanks to ongoing family drama about which I am writing a novel (loosely based), Vid is going back to India for 2 weeks on 8/12.  Classes start 9/4 & he needs to be back to both teach & take a class for his PhD.  He already took 3 weeks of FMLA in March for the last India trip.  Tentative ET was 8/9-8/12-ish & although technically Vid doesn't need to be there for it I just can't bring myself to do this FET alone because if it doesn't work he will be on the other side of the planet when we find out.  With my mental state as it is, I don’t know I can handle that.

I told him that if they ask about how things are going on the baby front he can tell them they will never be grandparents if we have to keep pushing back cycling due to their inability to get their sh!t together & us having to shell out $1800 for a plane ticket several times a year that could go to the baby fund, paying off bills, savings, etc.  So a September FET it likely is, which we were trying to avoid since school starts up again & our schedules become nightmarish once more.

My SIL was supposed to go back in April/May but did not because she is (I am assuming) sick of their b.s.  She's been sending them hundreds of $ every month (ILs are well off but it's a cultural thing) as kind of "quiet $".  Vid & her don't really talk & I don't know why but I suspect it has to do with the failed engagement last year she was almost forced into.  Yeah, the one the ILs spent over $10k U.S. on, throwing a huge party where the honored couple wasn’t even present.  

Andplusalso, MIL gave Vid's cell # to some of his relatives.  You know, the ones that sued FIL for land years ago.  Yeah.  So, he's been getting phone calls left & right for everything from "Can you get me a job in the US?" to “Do you know Arnold Schwarzenegger?” to "You have become fat; you should do XYZ to lose weight" & everything in between. 

I HATE THESE F#CKING PEOPLE.  There, I said it.  And if that makes me a terrible person, then so be it.

If I had 1 wish @ this point it wouldn't even be for a child: it would be for them all to just go away.  Or @ least for Vid to cut all ties which he won’t do since his mother has bone cancer which is basically the trump card in the never ending game of Indian parental guilt trip.  He is so sick of it yet he says nothing which basically validates their bad behavior.

This is what kills me most: he wants everything to be nicey-nice & kills himself by trying to be all things to all people.  If you are sane, you know this is not possible.  I tell him this, oh, I don't know...daily?  He complains about it incessantly.  But then he won't put his foot down to say "I cannot do this anymore" for his own health, not to mention for the health of our marriage.  As a recovering anthropology Ph.D. student I know to an extent the whole “honor thy parents” thing is taken to the extreme in the Indian context but...


I married a great guy.  Really, I did.  He's smart, kind, funny, adorable, etc.  I am truly grateful for whatever forces brought him into my life.  Unfortunately he comes with a set of in-laws that make me want to jump off a freakin' cliff many days.

Saturday, July 13, 2013

It's an infertile thing

I am a terrible person & really don't care. My sister is due with #2 in December (#1 just turned 1 last month, so 2 under 2, of course!) & had her big u/s today. Since #1 was a boy, of course #2 is a girl. And I'm almost positive pregnancy #3 will be boy/girl twins, because the universe hates me.  My mom texted me to tell me this because apparently I wouldn't see it plastered on FB 5 minutes later. This is our exchange:

Mom: Sharon's having a girl.
Anasara: I'm not having anything. :D
M: ?
A: I'm not having a girl, or a boy for that matter. Infertile humor. You wouldn't understand.
M: Not funny.
A: Like I said, it's an infertile thing. A warped sense of humor is a coping mechanism of sorts.

Then we proceeded to talk about my aunt buying a house. 

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Rockin' embies

According to a newly published study, playing music to an egg in a petri dish in the IVF lab increases the odds of it fertilizing by 5%.  They really will fund anything, won't they?  To be fair we are the crazy people who played a classical music CD while transporting Nemo across town.  I wonder if it will make a difference on his/her ability to take up residence in my ute for 9 mos?  We shall see.