Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Yet another "They have kids & I don't?!?!?!?" story

Naked Child Found In Truck, Spiced Rum On Floor, Mom Gone

My favorite line from the story:

When they asked Camp if she wanted to make a statement or answer questions, she told deputies, "It's OK, I suck."

Yes; yes, you do.

Saturday, September 25, 2010

Childless by choice? Not me!

This article was posted on Facebook by a friend who has 3 kids.

Let's just say I am biting my tongue as best as I can.

But I did post the link with a small comment:

"Give me a freaking break. How about not assuming all of your childless friends are so by choice? How terrible it must be to have a child that needs you!"


And I'd like to also point out that the vast majority of my friends have kids. Heck, one just gave birth last week. But we still manage to find time to get together once in a while. It's not like in high school when we had class together & then had drama practice after school, but it's every month or 2 for those of us who are still local. I work full time & take 2 night classes so I'm not exactly rolling around in free time myself. But, I value my friendships, and so do my friends, one of whom is a stay-at-home mom who looks forward to an occasional dinner and chat that doesn't include Mickey Mouse.

My basic point is you don't have to let having children or being childless ruin your friendships; you merely need to make adjustments, much in the same way most of us did when some of us were single & others had gotten married. And just like some of my friends are probably not single by choice, there are those of us who are not childless by choice. So please don't tell me to walk a mile in your shoes, because if you had to walk a mile in mine & experience the hope that this *might* finally be the cycle your body actually does it's job & creates a new life only to wake up to another pair of ruined panties you'd take offense to this too.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

I swear I am not Debby Downer!

This blog seems to be nothing but bad news lately, huh?

Grandpa passed away on Saturday night surrounded by 3 of his 4 remaining children (my uncle John passed away in 2006) & 9 of his 12 grandkids. The funeral is on Friday to give enough time for family who are coming in from far away. Like most in my family, he was cremated. We'll bury him next to my grandma, save for a spoonful which we will throw into the ocean; it's a bit of a family tradition.

This was the 2nd grandparent we've buried in a little over 6 months. My dad's mom is still alive & kicking; her mother lived to be 101 so I'm hoping she'll be around for quite some time. My dad & uncle Bob convinced her to switch shrinks when my gradnpa died. In this short of a period of time, her meds have been cut way back with some new ones added. Not only is she now pleasant to be around & doesn't exhibit histrionic or borderline traits, but she is now able to walk without a cane because she's actually steady on her feet. Whatever she was on before clearly made her gait dangerous.

I think what pisses me off about this grandpa's death is it was completely due to his lifestyle. Of course, who's to say how long he would've been around if he were not an alcoholic, but it bothers me. He had just turned 79 not quite 2 weeks ago; his father literally dropped dead @ 91. And I do mean literally: he got up out of his chair to take the dog for a walk & just dropped dead. My other 2 deceased grandparents died because of medical issues that were flukes: my mom's mom had a massive stroke with no warning & my dad's dad had brain cancer like Ted Kennedy did. Working in psych I know alcoholism is a disease but it doesn't make it easier to accept the reason for his death.

And during all of this, I had to deal with my 2 pregnant cousins who are due just days apart from each other talking about nothing but how much pregnancy sucks & showing photos of the decor for their baby rooms. And I tried, I mean I really tried to just smile & say nothing, but it didn't work. Of course one brought up the "just adopt & you'll get pregnant" advice to which I replied with the stat that only 2% of infertile women who adopt magically become pregnant on their own. Besides, we don't have $20,000 plus hanging around to pursue adoption right now. We're lucky enough to have 80% coverage for infertility treatment, but even with that we've still spent thousands in the past 2 years. Also, I am still working on getting my husband to see adoption is even an option. Although I'm all for it, he is very iffy given how taboo it is in India. Still, I'm working on it, because above all else, I want kids, be they biological or adopted.

The day after he died I was @ my parents' house helping make the arrangements when my mom said 1 of said pregnant cousins was wondering if I was mad @ her for being pregnant due to some things I said. I told her no but people should be aware by now of my struggles to conceive & be more aware of things they say around me; it's not like I've been secrative about my infertility. My mom then told me they felt uncomfortable around me, to which I countered I feel uncomfortable every day when I am surrounded by pregnant people being 31 & everyone I know either has kids, is pregnant, or just started trying & will probably get to have a child before me even though we've been going @ this for 2 years.

Infertility has made me socially awkward. I accept it. It's the reason I currently see a therapist. And in talking to my mother she also let me know it was affecting her too. Every time she gets together with friends there's always the question of if we were expecting yet; after all, we've been married for a while now. And like me she wants so bad to buy cute baby outfits. But she can't, because it's not happening like it's supposed to through good old fashioned intercourse. It's not even been able to happen with medical intervention thus far. But she said she doesn't want to talk about it a lot because she doesn't want me to feel like it's my fault she's not a grandmother yet. She knows how hard we've been trying & just how very much we want this.

I've never talked to my in laws about this & am beginning to wonder if I should. Vid says they haven't said anything to them but I can't help but wonder. With my mother in law's health issues I really feel like a failure we haven't been able to give her a grandchild yet. But I don't even know how to bring it up since they are half a world away. It's the kind of conversation you have over coffee when you have time to spare, you know? Not over a crappy phone line to India.

I just want a baby already!

Monday, September 13, 2010

Shoot me. Please.

Please, God, tell me we've reached our "baby born in an airplane bathroom & abandoned" news story quota for the year?

Dumped in a plane toilet bin: The newborn boy rescued from Gulf Air jet by cleaners


Monday, September 6, 2010

And the hits just keep on coming...

So my remaining grandfather (mom's dad) was hospitalized this weekend. He's 79 & a severe alcoholic; I'm actually kind of shocked he's made it this far. He also chain smokes filterless Camels. Yet my grandmother had a lobe removed due to lung cancer; go figure.

Anyways, my cousin who lives in his house with her husband & daughter was very freaked out by his color; she called it "Shrek green". And then she found his bed covered in blood & excrement when she went to do laundry. She called my aunt, who lives down the street, who forced him to go to the hospital.

He's @ 20% liver function. And they aren't sure where the bleeding is coming from, but it appears to have stopped, at least for now. At any rate, 20% is not good. In fact, it's really bad. As in, so bad he may not make it out of the hospital & is most certainly not going home.

My NJ relatives came up, except for my newly married & already pregnant cousin as she & her husband had a wedding in Maryland to attend this weekend. And just when I thought I was in the clear when it came to dealing with pregnant bellies in my face, my mom casually mentions to me my cousin who lives with my grandfather is...wait for it...pregnant with #2.

Seriously? FML. Well, at least she told me before I saw her @ the hospital & was greeted with a 16 week baby bump. I haven't seen this cousin for 3 months but my mother said she's known for almost 2 months. She could tell I was pretty pissed she didn't tell me sooner but she said it was because of the major breakdown I had when she told me about newly married cousin being knocked up.

Really? So wait & tell me about this one as we're going to the hospital to see my terminally ill grandfather. Great job, mom! And the best part? They're due within a week of each other. How fun!

*** eyeroll ***

Friday, September 3, 2010

Surgical follow up

I went for my lap f/u today & my gyn asked me if I had ever been tested for beta thalassemia; I have not. He thinks I may have it give the results of my pre-surgery b/w. My hemoglobin is 9.6; it should be 12-15. I asked if it could be because I'm vegetarian but he said no since my actual iron level was fine. Apparently it's common among people in the Mediterranean region & may protect against malaria like sickle cell anemia, which my great grandmother (father's father's mother) had.

Since today is CD3 he also set me for b/w to check my LH & FSH since he did not see anything wrong with my ovaries outside of the 1 cyst; they both actually had corpus luteum on surgery day. He also showed me pictures of the endo they removed which was hiding behind my left ovary & fallopian tube. Sneaky!

And with that, I'm back to work on Tuesday since Monday is Labor Day. School also starts on Tuesday. Busy busy!