Monday, August 30, 2010

Sunday paper funny (well, funny to me)

Note the juxtaposition of the sanitary napkin & tampon ad to the pregnancy test ad. Bwahahaha! What, nobody else finds this amusing? I'm telling you it's mocking me, making fun of what I go through every few months when I decide if I should buy another jumbo box of Always @ BJ's Wholesale Club or hold on to the hope that miracles supposedly happen.

Oh, to be a fertile who doesn't have a clue what it's like to wonder if you'll ever see a positive pregnancy test or a heartbeat on a sonogram. To a fertile, this was just an ad in the Sunday paper. To me, it's the rollercoaster ride I've gone through every cycle for over 2 years now.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Haven't met you yet

I know this song's really about finding "the one"; thankfully, I already have a great hubby. But I'm still looking for another "one": a child. The lyrics are perfect for what I've been through these past 2+ years of trying to conceive. "Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get". So true. You're not even here yet but you are wanted so badly...

Haven't Met You Yet (Michael Buble)

I'm not surprised, not everything lasts
I've broken my heart so many times, I stopped keeping track
Talk myself in, I talk myself out
I get all worked up, then I let myself down

I tried so very hard not to lose it
I came up with a million excuses
I thought, I thought of every possibility

And I know someday that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, that I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

I might have to wait, I'll never give up
I guess it's half timing, and the other half's luck
Wherever you are, whenever it's right
You'll come out of nowhere and into my life

And I know that we can be so amazing
And, baby, your love is gonna change me
And now I can see every possibility

And somehow I know that it'll all turn out
You'll make me work, so we can work to work it out
And I promise you, kid, I give so much more than I get
I just haven't met you yet

They say all's fair
In love and war
But I won't need to fight it
We'll get it right and we'll be united

And I know that we can be so amazing
And being in your life is gonna change me
And now I can see every single possibility

And someday I know it'll all turn out
And I'll work to work it out
Promise you, kid, I'll give more than I get
Than I get, than I get, than I get

Oh, you know it'll all turn out
And you'll make me work so we can work to work it out
And I promise you kid to give so much more than I get
Yeah, I just haven't met you yet

I just haven't met you yet
Oh, promise you, kid
To give so much more than I get

I said love, love, love, love
Love, love, love, love
(I just haven't met you yet)
Love, love, love, love
Love, love
I just haven't met you yet

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Lap update

I had my lap yesterday. The prep Sunday was the worst part of it all. Magnesium citrate sucks; it's very reminiscent of the crap they make you drink for a glucose tolerance test. Very sticky sweet. I tried to counter it with drinking vegetarian vegetable boullion but all that did was make me hungry. And of course, Vid decided to cook very yummy Indian food while I was going through all of this. Bastard. But I do need to give credit where credit is due. He was a trooper & gave me my enema without hurling. Now that's true love!

The good news is my tubes are clear & my ovaries have been drilled. The doctor removed a big, honkin' cyst from my right ovary I didn't even know was there. He found some endo, but I'm fuzzy on the details since I was still kind of in lala land when we talked & Vid was (per usual) not paying attention. I'm tender but not in horrible pain; they gave me a script for pain meds I've been using sparingly. I'm out of medical leave from work til Labor Day anyways.

My follow up appointment to discuss things more in depth next Friday 9/3 & to make sure everything is healing up ok. Right now I'm just looking forward to being able to shower tomorrow night!

I also saved the hospital bracelets from the procedure. I plan on putting them in a future baby book as a kind of a souvenir of my infertility journey. I just hope I get to start filling out that book sooner rather than later.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Infertiles of the world, unite!

Vid & I spent a gorgeous afternoon @ a state park this afternoon as today is India's independence day & the local Indian community organization was hosting a party. As with all Indian get togethers, there was tons of food, drink, music & people. And of the hundreds of people there, who do I see? My RE.

We got to talking & I asked her what was new since it's been about 6 months since my last failed IUI. She's leaving her current practice (part of a larger corporation based in Boston) next month & moving literally a mile down the road. She & a couple of other REs from the area are starting a new practice & she's hoping to take much of her current staff with her. I really hope she takes the ultrasound tech who is one of my favorite people on earth. No really. As she's shoving the transvaginal ultrasound wand in she says things like "Oh! Look @ that happy little follicle growing nice & big on the left!" Ha!

We also talked about what I think my next moves might be after my surgery later this month. I told her I was still debating whether or not I wanted to do IVF & if we did it it'd probably be @ the end of next year/beginning of next year so we could prepare financially & emotionally. She said she understood what a big decision it was as she had been there herself.


Yup, my RE is herself an infertile. I had no idea. I knew she was married with 2 kids. She didn't go into the details, but she told me she went through IVF for both of her kids & even introduced me to her daughter.

Infertility truly is everywhere, but it seems almost nobody talks about it openly. I've had so many people I know in real life e-mail me, call me or stop me @ the grocery store to talk in a whisper about their ovaries, their hubby's sperm count, etc. Off the top of my head, I can think of 4 women I graduated from high school with who have messaged me on Facebook about their struggles after seeing my posting about ours. Maybe I'm a bit too open about things @ times, but I'm ok with that if it helps educate others about infertility.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Who needs IVF when there are fertility statues?

They're in Niagara Falls next month. Road trip!

Friday, August 6, 2010

Deep thoughts

I always wondered about the Bush twins (well, most twins since we've been dealing with infertility) & the way they came about. Apparently Laura Bush "used hormones" to conceive according to her book which was on my mother's summer reading list. She didn't go into details, but I appreciate her not pulling a Jennifer Lopez & lying about it. Sure J-Lo; you had fraternal boy/girl twins @ 40 by dumb luck. How's that Kool-Aid you're drinking taste?

Anyways, this quote is from Laura Bush's book. It's beautiful & completely true. It sums up what I want to scream from the rooftops but have never had the ability to put into a single, simple paragraph:

"The English language lacks the words 'to mourn an absence.' For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful, some not. Still, we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only 'I am sorry for your loss.' But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent, ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"


Sunday, August 1, 2010

This post has nothing to do with infertility

This has nothing to do with infertility, but makes me smile. I have a Pekingese who was a rescue from a puppy mill & watching him do what I term "The Pekingese waddle" always brightens my day. Seeing a group of Pekes running around on their short little legs is cuteness overload! I think my rescue dog rescued me sometimes; I often refer to him as "my first born". I hope you learn something from this video & it brings a smile to your face too.