Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Infertile play date!

Spring has sprung! Although we may get snow on Friday (not an April Fool's joke unfortunately) it won't stick for long since temps have been slowly rising in these parts. The sky is finally blue & there's this large yellow thing in the sky that I've been told is the sun which we haven't seen for months.

And on Facebook, all of my fertile friends are making playdates for their precious little ones. And since I lack human children, I lack an excuse to get in on this social scene. Let's face it: it'd be weird for Aunty Anasara to chill @ the park with the mommies when she has nothing to contribute to conversations about potty training & Thomas The Train.

And when I power walk on the local bike path, enjoying the nice weather & trying to get my fat a$$ in better shape, I swear I am the only 30-something woman not pushing a jogging stroller. Of course my Pekingese would love to be pushed in such a contraption, but he's chubby too so he's dieting along with mom & dad. The only one in the house that isn't fat is the cat!

Granted, I have lots of infertile friends on the interwebs but 99% of them don't live in my metro area. While I am very much looking forward to our get together in NYC next month (*squee*) we can't chill on a regular basis. It's going to be a kind of infertile play date: a nice brunch followed by who knows what!

I wonder if I can convince them to go in on renting one of these for the afternoon:

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

I should've given up Facebook for Lent


Check out this gem:

I've changed the names & profile pics to protect the not so innocent but that, ladies & gentlemen, is an honest to God real Facebook post from one of my cousins. Yes; I share a great deal of DNA with this person, it's sad to say. Perhaps you remember this person from an earlier post? Actually, I'm certain you remember that story no matter how hard you've tried to forget!


Sunday, March 20, 2011

Another new book on infertility

There seems to have been a rash of books & articles on infertility from a man's point of view recently, which is great, because I know my hubby often feels he has no clue about what I'm going through even though it seems like some days all we talk about is our struggle to have a child.

A friend of mine sent me a link to this Today Show segment on infertility with the author of a new book, What He Can Expect When She's Not Expecting.

Given it was a short segment they didn't get into great detail on anything really but there were 2 things that made me roll my eyes:

1. The author's wife had one of those magical surprise pregnancies after 7 years of infertility & having to use a gestational carrier to have her twin daughters. While it's awesome for her to have finally experienced pregnancy & childbirth on her own, the little quip from the host about it being a "common occurance" made me want to throw my laptop across the room. Does it happen for some? Yes. But not for the vast majority of infertiles. It reminds me of the "Just adopt & you'll get pregnant" advice all of us infertiles have heard at least once in our journey. Like adoption is so easy to go through financially, emotionally, etc. The actual stat of that happening is about 4%; not good odds in my book.

2. I totally disagree with the author than "women need babies". While I fall into the "I need a baby" crowd, there are some women who don't feel the need to have children. And that's fine; it's their life. Motherhood is a vocation & not everyone gets "the call".

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Yet another change in plans

To say the past week has been hell on earth would be an understatement. Last week in a period of 24 hours the following happened:

1. Our family cat of 16 years died.
2. My dad got t-boned by someone who dropped hot coffee in her lap (!); his SUV was totaled but thankfully he's fine.
3. My mom-in-law was admitted to the hospital for severe hip pain (my in-laws just arrived from India 3/5 & are currently staying with my sister-in-law in DC) which had us extremely worried given her bone cancer.

Bad things come in 3's, right?

Vid ended up taking a quick flight down to DC to deal with his mom last weekend. While we are thankful the hip pain didn't turn out to be anything concerning, by no means did it mean my in-laws made things easy & drama free for any of us regarding her health & their desperate attempts to marry off my sister-in-law before she reaches her "expiration date": she turns 30 in June. I won't go into details but let's just say my husband FINALLY grew a pair & read them the proverbial riot act about their child-like behavior. Actually, he got so loud the hospital called security on him because they thought he was going to get violent; they aren't familiar with the fact he has 2 volumes: loud & jet engine. Thankfully, he was not taken into custody.

Oh, and my 1 remaining grandmother who is severely mentally ill (manic depression with borderline & histrionic personality disorders) has been making us all NUTS as well. And who does my dad & his brothers call when they can't deal with her any more & think she may have to go to the psych hospital for the 3rd time in 6 months? Me! Because I work in psych & apparently don't have enough stress.

Did I mention all of this happened the week my therapist was sick so we didn't have a session? Yeah. Awesome.

All of this has made me really rethink our next moves concerning infertility. As of right now, we're going to wait on IVF until June. Here's why:

Vid will be out of town for about a week @ the end of this month/beginning of next. Then, my sister's bridal shower is in mid-April which I am planning. And I just found out last week I have to travel for a few days @ the end of April. Then I have an academic conference the 2nd weekend in May where I've been invited to give a paper. And to top it all off, we are going on a MUCH needed vacation (planned back @ the beginning of the year with the thought we'd have done IVF already) to San Francisco/Napa Valley/Yosemite the last week of May.

Simply put, there are not enough hours in the day.

Come June, I will be done with classes (I'm not taking any summer courses), Vid will be only teaching 1 course (summer session) & my in-laws will be back in India, 10 time zones away. :)

June will also mark 3 years of TTC for us. That's a long time. But if it works, that means by this time next year I'll be holding a baby (or 2; hopefully no more than that) in my arms.

Sunday, March 6, 2011

The Oscars have nothing to do with infertility

Or do they?

From one of my fave sites, STFU Parents:

My thoughts?

It's so unfair that she not only gets an Oscar, but gets an "oops" baby too.

But that's ok; Colin Firth & Christian Bale make everything better. :)

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Ah, to be clueless

Tonight in my theories of psychotherapy class we were talking about PCT (person-centered therapy). One of the hallmarks of this kind of therapy is empathy, which can be defined as the ability to recognize & share feelings with a patient. The professor used an example of a therapist he knew professionally who was doing couples therapy with a man & woman who were having marital difficulties due to being unable to have a baby. No biggie right? Wrong!

This therapist was herself pregnant & as time went on this became more obvious as her belly grew. My professor said such a situation may make it difficult for the patient to believe the therapist had empathy for their situation. While I concurred with him, I also couldn't keep my big mouth shut & asked him if she knew if this therapist had disclosed her pregnancy to the couple; he did not. Someone else in class piped up about how that was really none of their business & I almost cut a bitch, but then thought the better of it. Instead, I explained to this person (likely a fertile) that much like it wouldn't be acceptable for someone who is dealing with the loss of a baby to SIDS to have a therapist with pictures of his or her children prominently displayed in their office it isn't acceptable to me as an infertile to be continually subjected to reminders of what I don't have when I'm trying to feel better about myself & not leave therapy in tears.

Thankfully, my professor (a man; I don't know if he has kids or not) had my back on this. This also made me incredibly thankful for my therapist who has herself gone through IVF & eventually did conceive but has enough sense not to bring up her experience unless asked. Some people...