We got back late last night/early this morning from what has become our annual pilgrimage to Las Vegas. This year, we took a side trip to Death Valley. So we weren't home for Thanksgiving, which doesn't really matter to me honestly. Being a vegetarian I don't eat turkey obviously. And since we live literally a mile from my parents we can get together (and do) pretty often. Actually, this was the second T-day in a row we weren't home; last year we were in India.
I wish I could say I feel refreshed from some time away but I honestly don't. Now comes even more stress. The holidays mean dealing with family, including 3 pregnant cousins. I've already informed my mother I will not be attending any baby showers & am giving her $ towards getting them gifts as I cannot even fathom stepping into Babies R Us right now without bursting into tears or something.
My therapist is actually collecting data on her patients for a study she is doing on women dealing with infertiity & their symptomology being similar to what is seen in people with PTSD. Working in psych research I can attest she's onto something. Here are just some of the criteria for this diagnosis:
Nightmares (I posted about this a few months ago), anger (indeed), insomnia (check), avoidance of stimuli associated with the traumatic event (in my case, baby showers), an expectation that one's future will not be "normal" when compared to others (the fact I will not be able to enjoy any pregnancy I may have in the future for fear of losing it).
I want to make it clear I am in no way self diagnosing myself as having PTSD, but I am very intrigued by this theory. One thing I know for sure though is I will never, ever forget the experience of being infertile.