Thursday, August 4, 2011

Preparing for the inevitable

MIL was supposed to go in tomorrow (well, really today in India) for bloodwork, a scan & some other tests to see if the massive doses of chemo & radiation she got a couple of weeks ago did anything to slow the cancer spread. She was having trouble breathing the other night so FIL took her to the hospital. I had a feeling this would not be good; I was right. The cancer has spread to her liver & lungs. The doctor is telling us she has weeks, or at most 3 months.

So, I just completed my online visa application (thank God; dealing with the Indian embassy over the phone or in person should count towards time in Purgatory). We'll be booking tickets tomorrow when Vid gets paid since this is going to cost more than we currently have in the bank. SIL (who lives in DC) is doing the same. I expect to be on a plane by next weekend.

Of course Vid is beside himself. I'm trying my best to be supportive but also trying to get him to see MIL & FIL's affairs need to be put in order while we're there so FIL doesn't get screwed again like he did years ago when one of his brothers sues him for his land & somehow won. This may sound strange to the uninitiated into Indian bureaucracy, but it's actually not uncommon. Click here if you want more info.

FIL was a very smart man back in the 1970s when land was dirt cheap. There;s really no such thing as 401K's in India so people tend to buy land, jewelry, etc. as a means of savings. Of course, Indian record keeping also sucks, so he lost some of it to his brother's scheming. They still have a lot, much of it beach front(although the palms got taken out by the tsunami) which needs to be protected in case FIL ever needs to "cash in" for his care down the road. Of course, this is the furthest thing from his mind right now so I've volunteered to deal with this, God help me. I've asked the local Indian association here for elder care/estate lawyers in Tamil Nadu as even though MIL is a lawyer that is not her specialty. And on the off chance someone reading this blog knows of such a lawyer, by all means leave me the info in a comment.

So we are truly preparing for the end now. And although I was never "close" with MIL, she is still Vid's mom. And he's so, so upset, which makes me upset. And I'm upset @ the universe for making this happen so soon. She's only 56: never drank, never smoked, ate only seafood & was always very active, so pray tell why is this happening? The world is truly an effed up place.


kthappy76 said...

I am so sorry hon. Please send our love to Vid too. The only consolation in having some time, is that you'll all be able to be together and say goodbye. It doesn't change the outcome, but Vid won't have the same regrets as S. But it's not fair. At all.

The land thing is crazy, the same thing has been going on for decades in FIL's family and has caused a huge rift among his siblings, and when he passed it came up again. And the bureaucracy of dealing w/ anything in India, it's a huge nightmare. Please let me know if there is anything we can do to help.

Safe travels and big hugs.

Megan said...

Thoughts and prayers with you all. Good for you for stepping in and trying to figure that all out. I know my Mom had a heck of a time getting my Dad's stuff together in such short order - - but it's imperative.

ADSchill said...

I'm sorry. Gosh, I know about life being unfair and a crapshoot.

I pray that you all get through this intact and that your hubs gets into some quality time with his mom.

Serendipitie said...


C said...

I'm so sorry, my thoughts are with you and your family.