Wednesday, July 24, 2013

The post in which I loose my proverbial shit

Thanks to ongoing family drama about which I am writing a novel (loosely based), Vid is going back to India for 2 weeks on 8/12.  Classes start 9/4 & he needs to be back to both teach & take a class for his PhD.  He already took 3 weeks of FMLA in March for the last India trip.  Tentative ET was 8/9-8/12-ish & although technically Vid doesn't need to be there for it I just can't bring myself to do this FET alone because if it doesn't work he will be on the other side of the planet when we find out.  With my mental state as it is, I don’t know I can handle that.

I told him that if they ask about how things are going on the baby front he can tell them they will never be grandparents if we have to keep pushing back cycling due to their inability to get their sh!t together & us having to shell out $1800 for a plane ticket several times a year that could go to the baby fund, paying off bills, savings, etc.  So a September FET it likely is, which we were trying to avoid since school starts up again & our schedules become nightmarish once more.

My SIL was supposed to go back in April/May but did not because she is (I am assuming) sick of their b.s.  She's been sending them hundreds of $ every month (ILs are well off but it's a cultural thing) as kind of "quiet $".  Vid & her don't really talk & I don't know why but I suspect it has to do with the failed engagement last year she was almost forced into.  Yeah, the one the ILs spent over $10k U.S. on, throwing a huge party where the honored couple wasn’t even present.  

Andplusalso, MIL gave Vid's cell # to some of his relatives.  You know, the ones that sued FIL for land years ago.  Yeah.  So, he's been getting phone calls left & right for everything from "Can you get me a job in the US?" to “Do you know Arnold Schwarzenegger?” to "You have become fat; you should do XYZ to lose weight" & everything in between. 

I HATE THESE F#CKING PEOPLE.  There, I said it.  And if that makes me a terrible person, then so be it.

If I had 1 wish @ this point it wouldn't even be for a child: it would be for them all to just go away.  Or @ least for Vid to cut all ties which he won’t do since his mother has bone cancer which is basically the trump card in the never ending game of Indian parental guilt trip.  He is so sick of it yet he says nothing which basically validates their bad behavior.

This is what kills me most: he wants everything to be nicey-nice & kills himself by trying to be all things to all people.  If you are sane, you know this is not possible.  I tell him this, oh, I don't know...daily?  He complains about it incessantly.  But then he won't put his foot down to say "I cannot do this anymore" for his own health, not to mention for the health of our marriage.  As a recovering anthropology Ph.D. student I know to an extent the whole “honor thy parents” thing is taken to the extreme in the Indian context but...


I married a great guy.  Really, I did.  He's smart, kind, funny, adorable, etc.  I am truly grateful for whatever forces brought him into my life.  Unfortunately he comes with a set of in-laws that make me want to jump off a freakin' cliff many days.


Rebecca said...

I know well what that can be like and distance never changed it.

Dipitie S said...

Oh man, I hear you. I thought my H's family was tolerable until the came to visit us for the first time and were awful. It's insult to injury that you have to shell out so much cash each time he visits. (((HUGS)))

Kate said...

I am so sorry for all the drama. It's really tough, I wish I could come and sit and chat with you and we could drink heavily and swap stories. What is it with land suits over there? We had the same thing come up after DH's dad passed (though it had been an issue long before), I said pay them (his family) off, I don't do family drama like that. Hope you can cycle in September. ((Hugs))

Hoping to be Hope's mama. said...

Oh my... sounds like a nightmare!
It must be hard to stay respectful of his culture given all the drama!