Sunday, September 8, 2013

Infertility-induced psychosis

 It's a beautiful day so I decided to hang out the freshly washed shirts to dry. Of course a bird then shit on them.  I've been told this is good luck, but  I cried.  Oh & I ugly cried 2 times yesterday for no reason.  Vid made some sort of snide remark that I don't even remember & it sent me over the edge.  And the other time I don't even know what set me off.
Also, it safe to say a lot of progesterone = a lot of cramps. I had no cramping that I can remember from the Crinone I took for IVF #1.  I had some small cramping on straight PIO for IVFs 2 & 3 but this time I am on Endometrium BID as well as the ass shot @ bed time.  Friday I had some cramps that literally had me doing breathing exercises.  
BTW my husband has actually been doing the PIO shots this time; my mom (who lives a mile down the road) did it for my previous cycles.  This is HUGE for him as I normally have to hold his hand for him to complete blood work.  The 1st shot he did he literally prayed before he stuck the needle in,.  Adorable.
I POAS this morning @ 4dp5dt. Negative. It was strategic though. The stick expires this month (you know you're infertile when your pregnancy test stash is several years old) & I knew the likelyhood of getting anything but a negative was slim to none. So now I won't be tempted to test closer to beta when there is a chance of getting a real negative yet I've satiated the need to pee on something.  
I think the fact that this is the "make or break" cycle is adding to my infertility-induced psychosis.  The fact that if this doesn't work, we need to decide what our next move will be, if anything, is terrifying.  Not that I won't likely be a basket care for my entire pregnancy is this does work.  Don't get me wrong; I have a sliver of hope, mainly because I've never done an FET before & therefore have not had my heart broken in this manner yet.  However that could all change on Friday.  We shall see.



cjdubs13 said...

So cute about your husband praying before you shot. Sending you sticky prayers for nemo.

Rebecca said...

Keeping hope that Nemo decides to stay put.

jak said...

best wishes.

your husband is sweet:)

Vijay Shree said...

Your husband is very caring and loves you very much. I'll pray that all your problems (both present as well as future) will be solved in your next couple of blinks.

Vijay Shree
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Patria Jase said...

That's called a husband and wife true relation, caring for each other. I wish my would be husband is just like yours by heart. Thank you and I hope your issues are solved by now.

Lots of love!
Patria Jase
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