Over the course of 63 months (5 years, 3 mos)::
- I have experienced approximately 70 menses based on my 27 day cycle
- I have seen 4 REs @ separate 4 RE practices (all of the offices in my city)
- I've only felt comfortable working with 2 of the 4 REs ( in other words, the other 2 were douches) & the one who I really connected with of course is not currently practicing
- I have gone through 8 IUIs, all of which were negative
- I have transferred 5 embryos over the course of 3 IVFs & 1 FET, all of which were negative
- I have spent approximately $20,000 in co-pays for the privilege of getting my period which I am perfectly able to do on my own
- I still do not have an answer as to why we cannot even get pregnant, let alone worry about staying pregnant
As I see it, right now we have 3 options:
- Go see Dr. Braverman in NYC. This may or may not be covered by our insurance. I've had several infertile interwebs friends work with him who speak highly of him. But even the gods of reproductive immunology can't get everyone pregnant.
- Look into adoption. Vid is still wishy-washy on it. I've already waited 5 years to become a mom & by the time we could afford it it may be another 5 years of saving to do so from India. And who knows if we would even be deemed "fit to parent"?
- Live CFNBC (child free not by choice). Stop all treatments. Don't look into adoption. Pretty much live the way we do now, but just give up all hope.
Right now I'm still pretty raw. I went out this morning to run a few errands & had to leave Dunkin Donuts without ordering because there was a newborn there. I was supposed to go to an autumn craft fair with my mom & aunt today but again, I just can't, in case I end up surrounded by pregnant bellies. I am already contemplating calling out sick from work on Monday. I already hate my job but being infertile makes is excruciating. I just don't feel like I can function in society right now. I am broken. I can honestly say I no longer believe in a higher power. I wish this was all just a bad dream but it's not: it's my life. I hate my life.