Monday, December 8, 2008

ZOMG kittehs, uber-emotionality & behbehs

Vid went to take the doggy out for a good night pee last night @ arounbd 10:30pm. It was cold; in the teens. We had had our first snowfall in the morning; only about an inch, thank God. When he opened the door, he jumped back & yelled. I came running, thinking there was a skunk or something. Nope, there were 5 itty bitty kitties huddled in a row between the storm door & wooden door. They didn't look big enough to be away from mom & out & about on their own. They were probably trying to keep warm. I reached down to try & scoop them up but the storm door was open ever so slightly & they ran in 5 different directions down our steps & through the bushes into my neighbor's yard.

I started tearing up. Vid looked @ me like I was on crack & asked why the tears. I told him they were too little to be away from their mom. I told him their mom is probably a street cat, unfixed, who keeps popping out babies nobody will adopt since there's a cat overpopulation problem. I told him if they were the babies of a cat that has owners, then the owners are stupid for letting their cat out to get pregnant & have her babies in the cold outdoors.

What can I say? I love animals. If I could be a crazy cat lady I would. When we buy a house I fully intend to get more pets (that will be fixed & kept in the warm indoors, TYVM). It angers me & makes me sad when I find itty bitty kitties huddled together in between my doors for warmth.

I'm just super emotional lately. I don't know what's up. Just a few hours beforehand I went off the deep end when my husband asked me why I was making him go outside to put salt on the walkway while I was busy swapping out the winter clothes from storage. Then I started sobbing. Then Vid started crying too because seeing me cry makes him cry. I felt so bad that I made him cry.

Speaking of being emotional, Vid had his checkup on Friday. He's put back on some of the weight he's lost since his diagnosis of diabetes (non-insulin dependent) last fall. He is now a salad eating machine in the hopes of losing it again (& then some) & has an appointment with the nutritionist @ the doctor's office.

We also talked to his doctor about our TTC & were given a referral to see a urologist since diabetes can cause low sperm count &/or quality. We've only been trying for 4 months but the doctor gave it to us anyways since he said it can take a while to get an appointment. Well, he was right. Our appointment is February 13; not quite what I had in mind for an early Valentine's Day present.

So now Vid has made it his mission to get me pregnant by then. Well, he's been on a mission since day 1 of TTC. It bothers him it's "taking so long" for this to happen. I told him friends of mine who have a 22 month old tried for 11 months before they got pregnant; he was not amused.

I try to remember that he was brought up in a place where a person's worth is very much tied to their ability to produce children. A woman should be visibly pregnant by the time she reaches her 1st wedding anniversary; even if I got pregnant tomorrow I would merely still be fat by the time that date rolls around in 7 weeks. I remind him we didn't start trying right away since he was unemployed for the first 6 months of our marriage but it doesn't help.

Christmas is only a few weeks away & his birthday is next month. I can think of no better gift to give him than a positive pregnancy test. I just hope Mother Nature can provide.

No comments: