Wednesday, October 26, 2011

Group therapy wrap up

My infertility therapy group has ended. Can you believe it? 10 sessions over 4 months gone just like that. I have mixed feelings about it, which I actually told my 1-on-1 therapist about in session this week.

While it was nice to be among infertiles IRL, it was also challenging. We all shared many of the same hopes & fears so there was a good sense of comradery. It was also nice to have some guest speakers who have gone through both the process of adoption & egg donation; I feel I learned a lot from them & neither sound quite as overwhelming as before, though I'm still not really interested in pursing donor egg on a personal level.

But, as I told my therapist, I think it would've been more appropriate to have the group as a whole of women who were not actively cycling. Or maybe I should've waited on doing a group until I was doing IVF, which at this point looks to be after the 1st of year as Vid's surgery has been scheduled for the week of Thanksgiving & he's been told there's about a 4 week window to heal, which brings us to the 1st week of January when we'll be on a much needed vacation.

Of the 12 women in the group, half were pregnant by the end. As one of my fellow barren group members remarked, "We're a very fertile group of infertiles." I'd be lying if I didn't say there was a bit of jealousy on my end. At this point I'm getting lapped by some of my infertile friends who are doing subsequent IUIs, IVFs, of FETs to add more children to their families. And I feel bad about feeling sorry for myself because I don't think infertility is a "pissing contest". By that I mean I think we should all be supportive of others' individual journeys without focusing on the # of years we've been battling IF or how many IUI, IVF, or FET cycles we've failed as individuals. You could even argue I should shut my mouth since I haven't even done IVF yet. Hindsight's 20/20: I probably should've just done IVF back in the spring instead of a "Hail Mary" IUI.

Of the 6 pregnant women, 3 were from IVF, 1 from an IUI & 2 were from good old fashioned sex. 1 of the 2 sex women wasn't infertile in that she couldn't get pregnant, but she'd had a hell of a time staying pregnant, having experienced 4 losses. I can't imagine going through so many losses; I'm glad it finally looks like she might get her take home baby. The 2nd pregnant by sex woman was, IMHO, an absolute miracle: she got pregnant on her own the cycle after her 3rd failed IVF. I told her she's now an "infertile urban legend"; you know, the woman in the story we all hear about who gets pregnant when she "just relaxes". This lady got pregnant the night of a friend's wedding after several adult beverages, LOL!

At the end of our last session we talked about how we wanted to stay in touch (or not) now that the group was over. It's was an interesting mix, with all of the pregnant ladies wanting to be in touch as a group & 2 of the 6 not pregnant ladies saying the same (myself included). And I can understand the other 4 not being in a place where they want to talk to yet another group of women who are pregnant when no doubt in their own lives outside of group they are undoubtedly constantly reminded of what they don't have. It would've been easy for me to say the same, but again, I feel a duty to both pregnant & non-pregnant group members to be as supportive of them in their journey as I possibly can be, because I know I will need it as we inch ever closer to IVF.


cjdubs13 said...

I am proud that you stuck with it. I am not sure I could have. I hope you are in that other group soon!

ADSchill said...

Well, if you end up with an IVF cycle in January, I may be your cycle buddy. Maybe. I am still trying to decide if I will be ready by then after our loss.

I wish the best for you in the coming months.

Anonymous said...

This therapy group sounds awesome! I am so disappointed that nothing like this exists in my neck of the woods.
And oh boy do I understand the frustration, jealousy, childish crying that you are being lapped by your infertile peers. I had that breakdown last week to Mr. Husband. He was less than sympathetic. And finally, I am looking at a January/February IVF myself. Perhaps we will cycle together!