Wednesday, October 24, 2012

40 weeks

It's been 40 weeks since my 1st embryo transfer.  If IVF #1 had worked, today would've been my due date.  Instead, it's CD 4 & AF is about to leave town.  

I never marked any of the other phantom due dates I've had throughout all of the IUIs I did.  Somehow, this is different.  With IVF we knew we had an embryo & that it dwelled inside of my for a number of days.  IUIs don't let us have that kind of knowledge, that kind of hope.  And for me, that kind of guilt.

Obviously it's not my fault that little embryo never stuck & turned into my son or daughter.  Shit happens.  Really, we still don't know why it didn't take.  Hopefully we'll learn something from the endometrial biopsy so I don't end up with another phantom due date from IVF #3.

Still, I mourn for what might have been.  I still have the petri dish s/he grew in for 3 days.  I don't know if or when I'll be able to throw it out.  Maybe never.


Rebecca said...

They never gave us the petri dish but we still have the photos that we framed. Hoping you get some answers soon.

Kristin (kekis) said...

Yeah, shit happens but it still sucks. Crazy how we can remember all of those dates and how they always sting.

I can haz babyz? said...

I'm sorry. (((huge hugs)))