Thursday, July 9, 2009


I am beginning to think I will never see two lines on a test. Beta was today & as expected, it was negative as was my pee stick result from yesterday. I'm not much of a drinker but I think I'll be making passion fruit coladas this weekend to celebrate my bitter, empty ute. And with this cycle now being declared a bust, I will be at least 31 when I have my 1st child. Granted, that is still young (to me at least) but it's just another reminder of how long we've been doing this with no success.

Pregnant people are all around me. Right now I have 4 pregnant co-workers, which really doesn't bother me because they're all in functional relationships & able to afford kids & be good parents. However, there are many other not-so-shining examples that have been giving me a serious case of the "why me's?" lately.

Example 1: patient who is all of 22 & is on baby #3. The 1st time I met her was the day after she had given birth via c-section; it also just so happened it was the same day as my 1st IUI. Since I had my procedure @ the same hospital, I just took the elevatory up to her room afterwards. To make a long story short, she no longer has custody of her 2 oldest kids & an investigator from DCYF told me they were taking this one as well. The patient has moderate MR; she can barely care for herself & yet she can get pregnant 3 times (that I know of) without any problem. DCYF takes her children away so she just keeps replacing them.

Example 2: patient who is 2 years older than me (32) comes in anxious/angry/depressed about the news her 16 year old daughter just gave her. Yep, she's going to be a grandmother @ the tender age of 32. I'll be happy if I'm merely a mother by then.

Example 3: patient (this one not mine) who is about 8 months pregnant & homeless sitting outside of our treatment center smoking a cigarette. Are you fucking kidding me? I wanted to smack her, but didn't.

At any rate, we are seeing the RE on Monday morning by which time lucky cycle #13 will most likely have arrived. The nurse said he may want to monitor me & maybe talk Clomid; I guess he was kind of thinking I'd be relatively easy BFP on IUI #1 with all my tests coming back as normal. Such is life.

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