Monday, September 7, 2009

Bad things come in 3s, right?

* sigh *

Where to begin? Well, as you probably guessed from the awesome Photoshop picture above, yet another IUI bites the dust. No "happy birthday grandpa" card for my dad. Not too surprising since I was so sick for my IUI. Still, you'd think we'd maybe get something from 4 great looking follicles & 60 million sperm. Nada. Fuck.

* sigh again *

We will be doing another IUI this next cycle with the 100mg of Clomid & Ovidrel trigger, but this time we're adding Progesterone suppositories. Lovely. Pretty soon every orifice in my body will be involved in baby making. Thankfully I haven't had really bad side effects from the meds I've been on so far. The Metformin has some stomach issues associated with it but 99% of the time I'm fine. Clomid produces a low level head ache & apocalyptic dreams which aren't all that bad since I'm a Sci Fi fan anyways. It is a weird side effect though; I thought I was just going nuts but several other women on a website I frequent that have been on Clomid report experiencing the same thing.

So if still not being pregnant isn't bad enough, we get a phone call from my in-laws in India the day after my negative beta with not good news: my mother-in-law has bone cancer.

* more sighing *

She had breast cancer about 8 years ago but had a lumpectomy with other treatments & had since been given a clean bill of health. She was feeling pain in her joints that she thought was simple arthritis. Then she started losing weight & found a strange knot in the bone of one of her shoulders.


At the moment we don't know exactly what we're dealing with; they are testing to see if it's contained to the one area, what stage it is, etc. She is now @ the hospital undergoing chemo & radiation. Thankfully, my in-laws live in Chennai where the best cancer treatment facility in all of India (and arguably in Asia) is located. Also, they are thankfully upper-middle class & can afford to pay for the treatments @ this private institution as the Indian public medical system is just plain awful. God I hope she pulls through.

So, we are hoping for the best but also preparing for the worst. She's only 55; the same age as my dad. I can't even imagine losing one of our parents now, especially before giving them the opportunity to hold a grandchild. As if I didn't put enough pressure on myself already with our infertility, this makes the guilt factor multiply by about a million.

* even more sighing *

With this unexpected news, we've begun to make contingency plans for a trip to India in the very near future. I've already talked to my HR about using some FMLA time & Vid is doing the same; my sister-in-law is planning for this also as she is in the DC area. So now I need to get a new passport & pay to have it expedited just in case. My old passport expired @ the end of 2008 & was in my maiden name; I figured I'd get a new one eventually, you know, when we planned a happy trip to India to show off a new baby. No such luck it looks.

I really can't deal with much more bad news...


The Quarke Family said...

I'm so sorry about your MIL, I hope she'll be alright.

Mrs. M317 said...

I'm so sorry for the news. ((hugs))