Thursday, September 29, 2011

Notice anything different?

I decided to rename the blog because, well, the original name is based on a dx that appears now to not actually reflect my problem. Are my ovaries "pretty crappy"? Yes, but with bging just on the border of being labled PCOS based on my bloodwork (FSHN & LH levels being flipped) I've been feeling kind of weird lately with the label of PCOS. Especially the more I talk to my fellow infertiles who have all the classic sx that I do not have. And I don't want to misrepresent myself as a PCOS "sufferer" (I've gotten several e-mails asking for my advice/experiences) when I can't speak from experience about abnormally long cycles, being annovulatory, etc.

At the same time, even the new name assumes that there is an actual issue with my eggs. My RE is recommending ICSI when we do IVF because she is just stumped why an otherwise healthy 32 year old can't get pregnant with an apparently great response to stims each & every time. Are my eggs impenetrable by sperm (hard boiled)? Are they so fragmented nothing can be done? Do I have "empty follicle syndrome" (where I have plump, juicy follies on the ultrasound that are full of fluid but no eggs)? Only doing IVF will tell. As weird as it sounds, I kind of hope it's 1 of those 3 so we know WTF has been our problem.

I'm so ready to do IVF. Of course, we can't til Vid gets his umbilical hernia surgery. His consult is late next week; no idea how far in advance they need to schedule it. But I know the "down time" will likely be several weeks. Honestly, we've been on "down time" (no sex/strenuous activity) since we went to India due to no provacy & then since coming back because he's in pain & I'd rather not explain to the 911 operator what happened if we did get frisky & something went wrong.

I just want to get it (IVF)done & over with. In my negative little mind I have little to no hope of it working; nothing has so far so why would this be any different? You know you've been in this game too long when you get jealous of people who only have to do "a few IUIs" to get pregnant. And then there's the whole "if I get pregnant will I stay pregnant" question. I guess we'll cross that bridge when (if?) we come to it.

1 comment:

ADSchill said...

I so get you right now.

I too was told there was no reason I shouldn't be getting pregnant at 30, with good health, good response to stims and perfect timing. But nothing seemed to work for me either. We still don't know why timed intercourse and IUI wasn't working.
But don't get down. I finally gave in to IVF and it worked. Keep faith that something WILL work.

You have just as good a chance as the rest of us IF'ers.

good luck!