So, here we are. Another Mother's Day. Every show on tv is moms & their babies or kids. Every post on Facebook has pictures of the gifts family & friends got from their children. I had to explain to my husband we can't go out to our favorite weekend breakfast place today because it will likely be overcrowded & filled with small children & babies which means I won't be able to handle being there. I'm debating seeing a matinee of "The Avengers" because I'm not sure if it'll be a "safe place" to be today or not.
My sister's baby shower was also yesterday. I did not go. She understands thankfully. She knows she is not the reason I did not attend. I didn't go because seeing all the baby items & the 6 children there under the age of 2 would set me off into a sobbing mess. And I didn't want to end up being the focus of the day by being the "poor, barren sister" crying in the corner.
My sister has not let this pregnancy change her @ all. If it wasn't for the huge belly you'd never know she was pregnant; she's still a nut & I love her for it. Ever see "Miss Congeniality"? My sister is the Sandra Bullock character in that movie: absolutely gorgeous but able to kill you with her bare hands if necessary. This kid in her ute has no idea what a ride he's in for!
When I woke up this morning the 1st thing I did after I peed is took the dog outside to do the same. I came back in, poured myself some cereal & coffee, then sat @ the laptop to post this. Hubby got up & came into the room a few minutes later. He gave me a hug & didn't say a word. I cried. I knew; neither of us needed to say anything to acknowledge the elephant in the room. If our IVF had worked I'd be about 17 weeks along now. If the chemical pregnancy I had almost 3 years had been carried to term I would have a 2 year old by now & hopefully be pregnant with another. Instead, I have nothing. And I don't know if I'll ever have anyone tell me "I love you mom". Fucking depressing. I don't know if I can handle another post like this next year. Why does it have to be so hard?